Saturday, October 19, 2013

The Most Beautiful Secret

These days, my awake hours are filled with the most beautiful secret.  I am feeling my baby moving often throughout the day.

** Note, this is NOT my belly.  Our baby's feet are not nearly that big yet.

I have always been VERY interested and curious about babies moving in their mother's stomachs.  I was the youngest/only child, and so I never experienced the familiarity of touching Mom's belly to feel the baby kick.  Then, I never had a close sister, or even close friend, who was living in the same town, that I could feel the baby kick with any regularity.  I don't know where my curiosity came from, but for years, I have been, I think, unnaturally interested in babies moving inside the womb.

I didn't know my interest was unnatural, until I, myself, am pregnant.  I have been known... on more than one occasion... to ask a close friend or family member, that if the baby moves while I'm around, to PLEASE tell me and let me put my hand on their stomach.  I didn't realize that was weird, until I became pregnant and realized that NO ONE, even close friends, have made this request of me.  I think I really am a weirdo.

That being said, I am in heaven right now, because I get to feel my baby moving whenever he/she does.  Not even my Hubby knows all the little movements, pokes, jabs, rolls, and squirms I feel these days, and it feels like I have the most beautiful secret.  It feels like the first communication I am having with... and the first secret I am sharing with my son or daughter.

There may be times when the baby's movements are too big (or surprising, or painful) for me to hide the fact that I a feel the baby.  But for now, no one knows the baby is moving, including my hubby, unless I share that information.  I have gotten to feel these movements grow, and strengthen, and shift around in my uterus.  There is really something living and growing in there -- as if my growing belly were not proof enough.

Motherhood is different for everyone, and I will admit that I don't think I became a mother the moment I saw the (six) positive pregnancy tests.  I don't think I became a mother the first time we heard our baby's heartbeat, or saw our baby's picture -- back when it was the size of a peanut.  I don't think I became a mother when the morning sickness began or when my clothes began to get tight.  I became a mother when I began to feel our baby move inside my stomach.

These days, I have the most beautiful secret, and I could not be happier about it.

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