Good Advice...

 Good ole Thumper gives great advice...

Good Advice

 I saw this post on facebook yesterday and thought is sounded like good advice worth sharing.

Buy Dirt

 The kids and I have been listening to this song lately, and I LOVE IT!

I usually cannot make it through the song without tearing up.  As we listen to the song, it gives me a chance to pause it and ask my kids what a certain phrase means...

Like, "Get a ring, let your knee hit the ground."

And, "Add a few limbs to your family tree."

It reminds me of road trips when I was a kid, when my family would play the same John Denver 8-track on repeat, and every time the song "Back Home Again" played, my Daddy would stop the 8-track and ask me about a certain phrase of the song...

Like, "The whining of his wheels just makes it colder."

And, "Sometimes this old farm feels like a long lost friend."

All things full circle... because...

"No doubt about it, it all goes by real quick, you can't buy happiness, but you can buy dirt."

Hope you enjoy:

A Good Reminder

Our children's preschool sends home a weekly email newsletter and this week's contained what I felt were two really good reminders.

I need to read these regularly.

Every Year...

I came upon this blog post last week and it has really stuck with me.

It's called Encouragement for Every Sing Year of your Child's Life (1-18) and it's by a blog called  For The Family.

 She is writing about a daughter, so even though it says "Child's Life" I really hear her words regarding a daughter -- and I have three daughters at ages 5, 3, and 1... What a beautiful post to remember that a daughter's needs are different every year.

Here are her words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is finished.

We did it. 

Eighteen years of parenting and twelve years of school – completely under our belts, and the deed is done. Our daughter graduated from high school this week, and I wish I could travel back in time to my “younger-mom-self” and share these words with her.

Year One – Pick her up every time she cries. Don’t listen to the experts who don’t know your baby. You won’t get to hold her for very long, and her little heart needs to know you will always be there for her.

Year Two – Be patient with her. Tantrums are not forever. The world your toddler is exploring seems insurmountable at every turn, and she needs to know you are a safe place. 

Year Three – Make the whole world wait. Finger-paint every chance you get and read-aloud every book in sight. These are the things she will remember. 

Year Four – Buy lots of bandaids and keep them handy. Her brave new self wants to find out just how fast a tricycle can go. 

Year Five – Treasure your alone time with her. She’s moving into a stage of life where you will be only one of her many teachers. Always kiss her goodnight and pray for her future.

Year Six – Sit at the table with her. She’s absorbing the world around her and learning new, scary things like addition and subtraction. She needs you more than ever.

Year Seven – Pour into her heart when she wakes up scared and runs to you for reassurance – and never – ever – even in your sleep deprived moments – assume this will be how she always deals with fear. Let her know she can run to you.

Year Eight – Empathize and confess. Multiplication is from Satan himself, and she needs to know you too struggled with math. 

Year Nine – Cut her some slack. Long division is just as evil as multiplication. So when it is the last thing she wants to do, and it feels like disrespect to you, please know that she doesn’t dislike you, just the learning disability you don’t know about yet.

Year Ten – Remind her how beautiful she is. The glasses help her see better, but man… they make her feel “other” around non-glasses wearing folk. 

Years eleven, twelve and thirteen – See the child underneath. The slamming doors aren’t to shut you out. It’s to release all those hormones that hold her hostage and give no explanation as to why anger is their chosen form of expression. 

Years Fourteen and Fifteen – Don’t take your eyes off the ball. Crushes, braces, high school classes and the combination thereof make your time, your affection, and your investment all the more crucial. You are in the home-stretch now, and she’s counting on you to fight for her. 

Year Sixteen – Take a deep breath. She’s not gonna die and neither are you. Mastering driving happens like all the other skills – with practice and perseverance. She’s got this, and the Lord has you both. 

Year Seventeen – Repeat the words: “I don’t care. I care about you, but I don’t care about your ACT score or which college accepts you. I only care that you are safe, whole and following after Jesus. The rest doesn’t matter.”

Year Eighteen – Pull back your grip. Her wings need to spread. She’s as scared as you are, but it’s time. It’s what you’ve both worked so hard to accomplish. God is with you, and He will help you release your mama-hold so she can run towards her future ministry, husband, children and calling on her life. 

Blessings, 

Denise 

You can find me at www.denisemcdowell.com

FATHER

Dear Ann Landers: 
As Father`s Day approaches, I thought you might like to reprint an item translated from a Dutch magazine. This nostalgic gem appeared in the Danbury (Conn.) News-Times. I have cherished it for many years and hope you will share it with your readers.
Donna W., Washington, D.C.

Dear Donna: Love it! I saw myself in every line and am certain others will, too. Bless you for sending it on in time for his day.

FATHER

4 Years: My daddy can do anything.

7 Years: My dad knows a lot, a whole lot.

8 Years: My father doesn't know quite everything.

12 Years: Oh, well, naturally Father doesn't know that, either.

14 Years: Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned.H

21 Years: Oh, that man is out-of-date. What did you expect?

25 Years: He knows a little bit about it, but not much.

30 Years: Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks.

35 Years: A little patience. Let's get Dad's assessment before we do anything.

50 Years: I wonder what Dad would have thought about that. He was pretty smart.

60 Years: My dad knew absolutely everything!

65 Years: I'd give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over with him. I really miss that man.

Happy Father's Day, to my wonderful father.

And I eagerly anticipate my own children going through these many phases over the years when thinking of my wonderful husband.

 

 

Belgian Horses

Hubby and I have started a Dave Ramsey study together which has been really cool for us to begin together.

I'm trying to remember this statistic accurately and if I get it a little wrong, I'm sorry to both the Dave Ramsey association and the Gary Smalley association.

Dave Ramsey said that Gary Smalley teaches, in his studies for married couples, that a Belgian horse when its harnessed to a wagon can pull 8,000 pounds.  

When two horses are harnessed together to a wagon... two horses that have never worked together before but simply are just hitched to the same wagon can pull 24,000 pounds.  

When those same two horses have been working together and training together, they can pull a total of 32,000 pounds, a load four times heavier than one can pull by himself.

source

Dave Ramsey (and, I imagine, Gary Smalley) use this analogy to inspire a married couple to understand what the two are capable of together when working as a team.

Those are statistics that I want to remember moving forward.

 

Does It Get Easier?

Just about one year ago, Hubby and I became a part of a fun and inclusive group... parents of multiples.

This is a worldwide club that once you're in, you're in... and if you're not in, you're not in.  You either have two or more babies you birthed and are raising at the same time, or you don't.  And if you do have twins or more, you have a lot in common with other parents of multiples.

So, when Hubby and I joined the parents of multiples club a year ago, we often began to notice other parents of multiples, and other parents of multiples began to notice us.  As we struck up new conversations and friendships with these fellow parents (most of these were done through Hubby, as I was home 24-7 with babies, not out making friends), 

we always had one question,

"Does it get easier?"

And they all always had the same answer,

"No -- it just changes."

Well, now I am over a year in with my three little ones... twins and our toddler.  Remember, we went from one child to three -- that's another club of its own, but I digress.

I am excited for that day ahead when we meet new parents of twins and they ask us that same desperate question, because I have a different answer.

Go ahead... ask me.

"Does it get easier?"

"Yes, it does."

It does get easier.

This is not to say that chasing two toddlers, or worrying about two mobile children, or chasing two runners at the playground or baby proofing for two toddlers working as a team isn't still very hard -- it is.  Two babies, two toddlers, two preschool tuitions, two bicycle helmets, two, two, two is our/your new life... but it DOES get easier.

One year ago, I was nursing two babies around the clock separately, and pumping so that each baby could get additional bottles of breastmilk.  We were struggling to make Tracey feel special and loved and important in her new role as big sister given that she was now outnumbered by newborn babies.  My parents were staying with us, and yet somehow with the extra hands no one was sleeping enough.  Simply put, life is easier now.

I nursed our twins exclusively for six months, and their feedings didn't really space out all that much during those six months because they were two growing babies -- they pretty much ate every three hours all day every day, and then about every five hours through the night.  Leaving the house for anything was very difficult for those entire six months, and nursing any location other than on our king-sized bed was very difficult.  Entertaining Tracey while I was nursing every three hours for six months was very difficult.  Simply put, life is easier now.

Today, one year later when I'm nursing the twins twice a day instead of eight times each day, life is easier, simply put, without a doubt, no question, life is easier -- logistically, technically, and practically.  It has changed, and it is still hard to raise twins... but it is easier than those first six months.

In addition, we didn't know our babies during those early days.  Their personalities were still mysteries to us as we held them, rocked them, fed them, changed them, and managed to keep them both alive.  Life is easier now because I know these two little people incredibly well.

I know that both Howard and Caroline are going to make a bee-line for upstairs if the gate is left open.  I also know that they both can climb the stairs pretty well at this point, and if the two of them get a fifteen-second head start on me heading upstairs, they will be okay.  They will also stop on the stairs when they see I'm not chasing them and wait for me.  Then, when they see me coming after them, they will shriek with delight and resume climbing the stairs as fast as possible.

I know that they are both going to start walking any day, and, knowing what I know about them I have predictions surrounding their first steps.

Caroline, I predict, is going to take her first steps when she isn't thinking about it.  She is going to just take off after Tracey or Lexie and not realize that she's walking.

 Howard's first steps, on the other hand, I predict will be perfectly calculated, and I think he thinks about walking every day.  I think he will carefully get his balance, and tentatively try out his walking legs, all with deliberate purpose and concentration.

Life is easier now that I know the little people my sweet babies are -- its easier to be the mom to children I know than it was to newborns I had just recently met.

Parents of multiples -- you will be parents of multiples for the rest of your lives, and you will have different challenges than singleton parents for the rest of your lives... but, parents of multiples with newborns and infants -- IT GETS EASIER!

Hang in there because it really does get easier.

Good Advice...

Good advice along my drive today...

Timeless

Some advice is timeless...

Marriage Is Hard... and Wonderful

As we're approaching Tracey Ann's first birthday, Hubby and I both agree this has been the fastest year of our lives.  No question.  Raising a child makes time fly.

As I reflect on this year, I, obviously, adore our daughter and am so proud and joyful about the little girl she is becoming, but I think more than that, I find myself reflecting on Hubby and my marriage and the changes the marriage has had to withstand in the past 12 months.

Adding a baby to a marriage is not a bad thing... it's a wonderful thing, but it's a hard thing.  I can't pinpoint the "one" thing about having a baby that changes a marriage, but the simple fact is that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.  Adding a baby to marriage is more complicated than two plus one makes three.

By adding a baby to our marriage --

• our differences were made new, again -- the differences that we brought into the marriage and had spent the last 2.5 years learning to handle, now were back, and bigger than ever
• our selfishness was realized -- speaking just for Hubby and myself, I think neither of us realized how selfish we were allowed to be as married adults without children.  We really made our own rules and ran our own show -- no longer once our baby arrived
• our ways of coping with stress were revealed, and we were made to cooperate as we worked as a team to keep our infant healthy and happy
• our time together was shortened, interrupted, or utterly nonexistent for long stretches of time (remember how I said time flies)
• little annoyances that were "no big deal" during the first few years of marriage became a very big deal because of outside, stressful factors, and lack of sleep

All of this to say, it became clear to me, during our first few months as parents that when Tracey Ann was born, we did not just get a new job as parents, our marriage would require additional work as well.

Having said all that, this has been a WONDERFUL year.  As I look back, and take stock of the year -- highs and lows and in-betweens, I am so happy, and I'm so proud of the effort that both Chris and I have put into our relationship to make our marriage stronger than ever.

This year, I learned that one of my love languages is Words of Affirmation.  I never thought it was -- after reading the book a few years ago, I thought my love languages were Quality Time and Physical Touch.  Maybe they are... but I REALLY feel loved through Words of Affirmation.  This year, I have had to learn to communicate that to my Hubby, so that he can know what I am needing to hear.  My wonderful Hubby deserves so much credit, because he has listened attentively and made a pointed effort to love me in this way ever since.

With both of us working full-time, a lot of communication and planning needs to occur to keep our schedules straight and make sure that Tracey Ann is always cared for.  We have both had to step-up our communication efforts, and plan in advance in order to be considerate of our spouse and intentional with our time.

 If you had asked me a year ago, I would have told you that after 2.5 years of marriage, we had really hit a good stride.  Then, if you had asked me again in the Spring, Summer, or Fall of last year -- in the months prior to and following our third anniversary, I would have told you, our "stride" was gone... we were adjusting to being married parents.  Now, with 3.5 years under our belt, I can happily report, that, once again, our stride is back, and we really have a good system in place.

I'm sure there will continue to be ebbs and flows, and that is to be expected.  We have found that a big key for us is to keep working on the marriage.  Yes, there are times when we can give it more attention than others, but it needs to be a continued project to maintain open communication, to intentionally love one another and display that love, and to prioritize our time together as husband and wife as much as we prioritize our time with our daughter

No doubt about it, marriage is hard... and wonderful. 
I love you, Babe.

Letter To Future Mother

A friend from college recently contacted me with a great idea.  She said that she has a friend who is expecting her first child, a daughter, in the next few weeks, and my friend wants to create a collection of letters to the new mom from mothers who have daughters.

She asked me to write a letter to this mom-to-be, and I was so humbled to have been asked.  I, after all, have only been a mother for eight months, and I have so much yet to learn and experience.  It feels a little like being asked to give marriage advice while I'm still on my honeymoon... but nevertheless, I will share with you, the letter I wrote her.

Dear Mama-To-Be,

You are about to begin the most joyful, rewarding, and miraculous journey of your entire life.  You are about to meet someone who you have been missing your entire life... you just didn't know it.  You are so lucky to be having a baby girl.

You are about to have a best friend who is only a few months old.  You are about to see a new side of your husband and fall more in love with him than ever before.  You are about to make choices every day that will not only impact a person, but shape and mold the character and nature of a brand new human being.

If I sound like I'm being a little dramatic, it's intentional.  This change in your life, this higher calling, this journey on which God is leading, for which God has chosen you is the highest calling, the greatest purpose of your entire life.  Do not take it lightly.  
Cherish it.  Treasure it.  Savor it.

I, myself, have only been a mother to my baby girl for eight months -- eight of the fastest, most joyful, and perfect months of my life.  Throughout these months, I have come to value two thoughts above all others, which I will share with you now:

ONE
Develop a very sincere attitude of gratitude.  I was very lucky that this has come pretty easily for me because I had several friends/acquaintances pregnant and expecting around the same time I was.  One had a very difficult pregnancy, which resulted in her daughter being born premature and stillborn.  Another friend had a perfectly normal and healthy pregnancy and underwent a successful home birth.  Their daughter was born without any trouble, and died of respiratory distress a few hours later.  By the time they rushed her to the hospital, it was too late.

I do not tell you this to scare you.  I tell you this because I am SO GRATEFUL for my daughter.  There are women around the world -- two whom I can name, in my community, whose arms ACHE for their baby.  When my baby keeps me awake, I remember there are women who begging God for a baby to keep them awake.  When motherhood is difficult for one reason or another (and it is difficult), I remember that my baby -- crying, or fussy, or frustrating as she may be, is safe in my arms and I cherish her.

TWO
Remember to nurture your marriage in this major life change.  You were your husband's first -- before children, before pregnancy, before motherhood, before everything else.  There are days, speaking for myself, when my To-Do list is endless, and the laundry never got switched from the washer to the dryer, and I STILL didn't run the vacuum, which I told myself I wasn't going to bed until I ran, and no dinner was ever made -- Hubby had to fend for himself with a can of tuna... and when I crawl into bed all I want is sleep immediately because the baby will be up again in another three hours.  In those instances, if possible, try to extend yourself and attend to the needs of your husband.  Do not resent him, but love on him.

Your role is wife and mother.  Wife came first.  Wife comes first.  Communicate your needs to your husband so that he can try to help you.  He wants to help, but he needs you to specifically tell him how his help is most appreciated.  Then, make sure he knows how much you appreciate what he does.  While you're nursing, rub his back as he's falling asleep.  The one night you manage to make dinner, make sure it is his favorite.  When your daughter is a little older, make a date night a priority -- you won't want to at first, but that is a sign that you really need to.  Allow yourself to spend a few hours with your husband where he, not the baby, gets your undivided attention.

Before I got married, someone told me that marriage is not 50/50... it is both people giving 100% every day.  Having a child makes this need all the greater.


I am SO incredibly happy for you.  I am praising God for the amazing, one-of-kind daughter that He knit together perfectly to be your child.  God chose you to be her mother, so trust your instincts.  No one will ever, EVER know her better than you do.  Rest in this.

Parenting Advice (from 6th Graders) Part 1

My hubby is a 6th grade literacy teacher, and he loves it.  He is one of those amazing teachers who doesn't just tolerate middle schoolers, but truly loves and connects with middle schoolers.

One of the fun parts of our life with middle schoolers are the things that they say and the stories they tell.

The other day, Hubby asked them to write down their parenting advice to us, and I will be sharing some of the best/funniest advice in the coming weeks.

Parenting Advice from 6th Graders (spelling errors corrected):

• Don't let Tracey have a boyfriend until she is old enough.  When she is 16 or 15.
• Don't let her get bad grades.  If you let her go play make sure she comes home on time.
• Teach her to talk and be adorable.
• Feed her.  Get money to raise her.
• Give her hugs and kisses til she smiles from ear to ear.
• When she catches the couch on fire, don't get mad.
• Get her a dog and name it daisy.  Get a German Shepherd.
• Don't lose your child.
• Make her a great hunter.
• Drive slow and not crazy.
• Don't let your child go outside with snow on the ground and only wearing a sweater.
• Give her a pet cat when she is four.
• Don't make her spoiled.  Don't be afraid to say no.
• Don't bounce her head off of the floor or ceiling fan.
• Don't panic when she cries, she is probably overwhelmed by you.  Try moving your eyebrows when she looks at you.  Babies usually look at facial expressions first.

Thanks, Students.

He Gives 100%

Here is a disclaimer:  If you ever think my blog is focusing too much on how amazing my husband is, I would recommend your either getting over it, or finding another blog to regularly follow.

That being said, I might have to make a similar disclaimer when the world's most amazing baby arrives into our life... but for now, I don't want to forget these amazing acts by my wonderful husband -- especially in these last days when life is just the two of us.

At several of my bridal showers, women shared recipes and prayers, or recipes and marriage advice.  It has been so nice over these past 2-and-a-half-years to go back and read what these dear friends, and seasoned wives said to me about marriage.

One that I remember off-hand is that marriage is not a 50-50 partnership.  Marriage is both people giving 100% of themselves, 100% of the time.

It's times like now, when my husband's wonderful actions remind me of this quote.

This is our puppy when the left side of his snout started to swell... it got bigger and bigger from here.

Our sweet puppy was bitten by, or ate something that caused a slow-moving allergic reaction.  I first noticed the left side of his nose and snout swelling Tuesday afternoon.  By Tuesday evening, his entire nose was very swollen -- he went from looking like a long-nose lab, to a stout-nose lab.  We spoke with a few vets, and gave him some allergy medicine, and went to sleep.

My hubby woke up about 30 minutes later, when he heard Lloyd scratching, and moving restlessly around, and Lloyd's face was huge, and his eyes were nearly swollen shut.

While I slept soundly, my Hubby decided that he and Lloyd would spend the night in the guest room, so that he could keep an eye on Lloyd's condition, and breathing, without disturbing me throughout the night.  I didn't know what was going on until about 2:00am, when I woke up to the use the restroom, and had no idea where Chris and Lloyd were.  Eventually I found them, and I was so touched that Hubby had prioritized my need for rest and sleep that he, not only monitored Lloyd's condition all night, but did so in our guest room so as not to disturb me.

I later found out that he was up with Lloyd ever two hours because Lloyd was drinking a lot of water to combat the swelling and itching, and needed to go out that often, as a result.  I only hope I behave as unselfishly when I'm on maternity leave, and our baby needs to be up every two hours, and he has work the next day.

I am so fortunate that my husband gives 100% of himself to our marriage 100% of the time.

My Advice to Brides

Over Labor Day Weekend, Chris and I attended the wedding of my good friend from college, Katie.  She and Jeremy met in law school and then moved back to Michigan, where his family is from.

Katie is such a great friend and it was great catching up at the rehearsal dinner, wedding reception, and a brunch the day after the wedding.

Katie, the beautiful bride, and I in the fun wedding photobooth

As, I'm sure many of you know, when you zip into town for a wedding, you don't get a LOT of time visiting with the bride and groom.  A few quick conversations, expressing your best wishes, hugs and good-byes are pretty much the most you can hope for.

That being said, I am learning that when I attend the wedding of a friend, I need to at least get her undivided attention for 1 minute to give her my advice for the wedding.

Before the wedding fun, I shared my Advice with Katie at the Rehearsal Dinner

I KNOW everyone has their wedding advice.  I know new brides get advice from every direction, and I don't want to add to the multitude... however, I had one big regret from my wedding and I cannot NOT pass my advice on to my bride friends.

MY ADVICE TO WEDDING-DAY BRIDES:

Ask the special men in your life to dance at your wedding.

Simple, to-the-point, I can deliver it in less than 30 seconds.  If a bride wants more of an explanation and has more than 30 seconds to spare, I can give the rationale behind this advice.

At my wedding, I always assumed I would dance with my grandpa, my new grandpas, my new father-in-law, my brother, my new brothers-in-law, my uncles, possibly some cousins, some groomsmen... I really imagined myself dancing the night away.

The truth is, these men did not ask me to dance.  In hindsight, I understand why -- I was very busy at the reception.  It was a wonderful night... but I was pulled in one direction to sign the marriage license, another direction for the W&L Swing, another direction for pictures with my new Hubby on the balcony, another direction to chat with guests, another direction to dance with my dad, another direction to cut the cake... It was a wonderful, WONDERFUL night... but the men with whom I always imagined dancing at my wedding did not bother me to ask me to dance.

If I had only known, I would have asked my Grandpa, my new Father-in-law, my Uncles, my Brother to dance.  I didn't know, and so I did not dance with any of these men and more the entire night.

I did dance with my Daddy, my new Hubby, and my parents' next-door neighbor who is a really good friend of our family, and I am so grateful for those dances.  I really would have loved to dance with a few other special men.

The 3 men with whom I danced at my wedding.  I wish there had been more.

That is my advice -- Know that these men WILL NOT ask you to dance because so much is going on.  YOU, The Bride, Need to ask these men to dance at the reception, if its going to happen.

Do You Remember the Sunscreen Song?

When I was in high school, a song came out dedicated to the class of '99 called "The Sunscreen Song", which to my understanding was an actual graduation speech given to the class of '97.

I have had this song on my computer and in my music since my freshman year of college when I first learned to download music (2002).  This song came on my ipod several times while I was skiing yesterday, and it gives me chills every time.

I hope you'll take a few minutes to listen to, and enjoy this advice: