Small Steps and The Next Right Thing

I saw this post on Facebook a few days ago, and the words held very true and timeless. They also reminded me, of all things, of a song from Frozen II.

This quarantine/COVID life has been interesting and trying and challenging to be sure. Some days I feel comfortable and safe with my family and some days I am at the end of my rope and I feel very hopeless for a future and overwhelmed by things outside of my control.

So, here are the wise words from the "grandmother" from the facebook post and then the youtube video of the Frozen II song.

Keep taking small steps and doing the next right thing.

My grandmother once gave me a tip:

In difficult times, you move forward in small steps.

Do what you have to do, but little by little.

Don't think about the future, or what may happen tomorrow.

Wash the dishes.

Remove the dust.

Write a letter.

Make a soup.

You see?

You are advancing step by step.

Take a step and stop.

Rest a little.

Praise yourself.

Take another step.

Then another.

You won't notice, but your steps will grow more and more.

And the time will come when you can think about the future without crying.

Words: Elena Mikhalkova

Image:Tasha Tudor,

American Illustrator 1915-2008

Youtube Video:

Meltdowns at Lunchtime

On Tuesday, I had a busy morning with the kids and things just were not really clicking.  Nothing specific went wrong and there wasn't one thing that I can point to that made it a rough morning... but it was a rough morning.

The three big kids all have dance class together, and then every other Tuesday, there is a Mommy and Me dance class following their class.  We usually stay for the Mommy and Me class, which all our kids love, and Addallee gets to dance around too, but it makes for a long morning for the kids.

Then, we had to help Daddy drop off our truck at a local mechanic, so we picked him up and he ran us home, and then took the suburban back to work.  No big deal, except it was a HUGE deal to our little two-year-old daddy's girl who was tired from the morning of activity and didn't understand why Daddy wasn't staying home with us.

As I was frantically getting everyone's lunch, Caroline was just finding reason after reason to sob and cry.

Tracey, meanwhile, was trying to explain to her why Daddy had to go to work.  She was trying to give Caroline hugs, she was trying to rub her back, she was trying to make her smile, and Caroline was getting more and more upset at everything.

I tried to explain to Tracey that Caroline was just so upset that nothing was going to make her feel better and Tracey was being such a wonderful sister, but Caroline was just too upset to appreciate it.  Tracey and I agreed that it doesn't feel good when you're trying to be really really kind and make someone feel better and they just keep crying.  Talking aobut this ended up making Tracey cry as she said, "It hurts my heart."

So now I have two crying girls at my lunch table and I finally had their plates of food ready.

Since Tracey was so kind to Caroline, I let Tracey choose her color plate (the choices were orange, green, and purple).  I knew Tracey was going to choose purple because both Tracey and Caroline always want purple.

Tracey, still sniffling from being upset, said she wanted green.  Then she looked at me and said, "I want Caroline to have purple because maybe that will make her feel better."

I nearly started crying on the spot.

With Tracey, it would have been a big victory for her to, under any circumstances, yield a favorite color plate to someone else, to think of their feelings.  But for her to have a heart of kindness toward Caroline, even after Caroline had been hurting her feelings was an act I've never seen from my daughter before.

I spend nearly every minute of every day -- day and night trying to become a better mom, and feeling guilty for the ways I fell short with my children every day... but seeing Tracey do this, and hearing her selfless heart toward her little sister was like balm to my soul.  Small as it may be, Hubby and I are doing something right for her to show such a strength of character.

 

Molding Character

We're going through a new phase with Tracey right now and its tricky because she will always be our oldest and so every new phase she goes through, it is a brand new phase for Hubby and me as well.

Lately we've just been dealing with a little defiance on her part and its been a hard phase, I think especially for me in adjusting to it.  She's certainly acting like a normal three-year-old, but two weeks ago, our normal three-year-old loved to please us and loved to help... and now she is testing the limits in a way she has never done before.

It is during situations like this when it sinks in to me that Hubby and I are responsible for molding and shaping and training the characters of our children... and how in the world do you prepare for that?  Where's the manual for molding another human's character, much less three humans and counting?  Its not like Tracey can be our rough draft practice run on molding character so that we knock out all the kinks with her in order to do better with the rest... everything we do as parents plays a role in her childhood and can potentially impact the rest of her life.  That's really heavy.

This week, Hubby and I have had to reinforce and recommit to the house rules and dish out consequences when they are warranted and positive reinforcement when it is earned.  We've been having to reiterate and reteach lessons this week spanning from being kind to our siblings, to not being disrespectful to Mama and Daddy, to the importance of telling the truth, to obeying Mama and Daddy when asked to do something (preferably the first time she's asked) -- those are really big life lessons and here we are trying to teach our three year old (well, and our one-year-olds) these lessons -- no wonder its been a tough week, those are major life lessons with which some adults still struggle.

It certainly can be frustrating to me when it feels like Tracey is deliberately disobeying me, but when I am able (occasionally) to step back and see the big picture of how we are working to mold her character it certainly makes sense that these lessons would not be learned overnight and need to be reinforced, in a variety of ways many times a day... for many years to come.

 

A Good Life Is (Generally) Not Good TV

Lately I've found myself thinking about the shows that I let entertain me, and how the character qualities I see in the characters are not necessarily character qualities I want to develop in myself.

Then, the more I examined this issue, the more I realized, that, in general, qualities that make up a good and Godly life are not found in "good" tv.

Apparently "good" tv -- as in, the type of television that is renewed season after season, contains story lines of anger, resentment, lies, holding grudges, loud arguments, hurtful words... very dramatic interactions.  While apparently our world (and myself included, unfortunately) finds this entertaining, these are not behaviors the Bible recommends, and not behaviors that lead to a joyful and full life.

It first hit me a few weeks ago when I was watching re-runs of Gilmore Girls.  Luke throws April a birthday party and April's mother is livid because the details were not cleared with her first.  April's mother shows up at Luke's diner... takes him away from his work in order to bark a few sentences at him, only to then say she is too angry to look at him, and storm off.  How old are these characters?  They are behaving like twelve year olds -- and probably twelve year olds who have been watching too much tv.

Having been married now for over three years, and learned a few things in that time about positive ways for my husband and me to communicate, I couldn't believe how un-realistic and un-productive this scene was.  There was no phone call to set up a time to talk, there was no time and thought put into exactly what the mother wanted to say and how she wanted to ensure a different situation in the future... and they she storms off without any productive interaction with the father of her child.

I had never watched his scene through these critical eyes before... but all of a sudden I realized how this dramatic scene, might make for entertaining television, but it certainly does not make for a full and happy life.

Now, ironically, right after I wrote this post, I read a facebook link that was celebrating the fact that the movie CLUELESS is turning 20 years old (yeah, crazy).  The website was accounting different aspects of the movie and why America loved it so much.  The last point mentioned alluded to the big, climatic arguement between Tai and Cher... and how it was so mature and relate-able to audiences.
Tai: "You're a virgin who can't drive."
Cher: "That was way harsh, Tai."
Tai: "Look, I'm sorry, all right.  Let's just talk when we've mellowed.  I'm outie."

Sure words got a little heated, but the climatic argument doesn't end with screaming, yelling, and storming off... it actually portrays what might be a normal argument in a normal, healthy, loving American home.  Sure, one comment was made below the belt... and it was acknowledged... and then they walked away and gave each other space only to come back a few days later, both apologizing and ready to make amends.

Now that is good tv... and a great lesson from which many people (and other television characters) could learn.