Daring Adventure

 

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.” 

- Helen Keller

Food For Thought

 I do not like conflict... but this struck a cord for me today...

Not For Granted

 Happy Birthday, Dad!

Welcome to another year of life, and thank you for taking such good care of yourself that you are around, and aware, and truly enjoying your golden years of life.

As a child, my dad was older than everyone else's dad.  The only exception to that was one cousin of mine who's dad was older than my dad... her dad also happened to be my dad's older brother.

EVERYONE'S dad was younger than mine but you would never know it by how involved my dad was in every childhood activity, sport, and club I participated in.

Now, 30-some years later, I have a not-small-number of friends who have buried their fathers.  It is not lost on me how fortunately I am that my father, who was older than theirs (sometimes by a few decades) is not only still living on earth, but living well, living abundantly, joyfully, fully, and happily.

I really hit the dad-jackpot, and I have no idea how I was so lucky.

Every time I stop to think about it, the only words I come up with are, "Thank you!"

Small Steps and The Next Right Thing

I saw this post on Facebook a few days ago, and the words held very true and timeless. They also reminded me, of all things, of a song from Frozen II.

This quarantine/COVID life has been interesting and trying and challenging to be sure. Some days I feel comfortable and safe with my family and some days I am at the end of my rope and I feel very hopeless for a future and overwhelmed by things outside of my control.

So, here are the wise words from the "grandmother" from the facebook post and then the youtube video of the Frozen II song.

Keep taking small steps and doing the next right thing.

My grandmother once gave me a tip:

In difficult times, you move forward in small steps.

Do what you have to do, but little by little.

Don't think about the future, or what may happen tomorrow.

Wash the dishes.

Remove the dust.

Write a letter.

Make a soup.

You see?

You are advancing step by step.

Take a step and stop.

Rest a little.

Praise yourself.

Take another step.

Then another.

You won't notice, but your steps will grow more and more.

And the time will come when you can think about the future without crying.

Words: Elena Mikhalkova

Image:Tasha Tudor,

American Illustrator 1915-2008

Youtube Video:

Wisdom

These are wise words... I might need to tape this to my mirror...

 

Further Assurance

I saw this tonight and I find it as just further assurance that my family and my children need more from me than ever before.

 

Focus

My focus for this day... and probably this week... month... maybe even year.

 

 

 

Time

I think I'm getting wiser as I get older... but the fact that I just typed that probably indicates just how immature, inexperienced, and unwise I actually am.

That having been said, I really am learning, little by little, the value of time.  Okay, that's a really intense topic... I'm not sure anyone can truly learn the VALUE of time.  Time is one of God's greatest gifts, but it is also unreliable.  You never know when your time with something, your time somewhere, your time with someone, your time on earth will be over.  Time cannot be bottled, it cannot be bought, it cannot be stored, it cannot be saved.  It can be spent, it can be cherished... but it is always fleeting.

Yeah, there is no way I, with my minuscule human brain can actually understand and appreciate the VALUE of time. 

What I have learned is how calming time is -- yes, that is what I want to say.

Three or four weeks ago I started what would become two totally separate, but simultaneous crazy and demanding situations at work.  They involved two new students in two different districts with two different sets of teachers in two different schools with no experience with a student with visual impairments in two very unique situations.  

Each one on its own would have been one of the biggest challenges of my career thus far.  But four weeks ago, I got them both dropped into my lap simultaneously.  Each of these situations on their own would have been a tremendous workload for me if I worked full time... but I was trying to handle both while working part-time and taking care of my children, and keeping our home running smoothly and handling all the normal end-of-the-year activities.

I remember several mornings on the verge of tears during my morning workouts because I was so distraught over these situations.

Time is such a gift.

Four weeks later, I still do not have all the plans or answers, and all of the challenges are not solved... but things are going to be okay.

I have handled these situations one step at a time, one challenge at a time, and checked things off my list as I am able.  I still am uncertain and a little distraught about what the future holds and how these circumstances will resolve... but I'm not losing sleep over them and I'm not crying through morning workouts anymore.  Things will be okay.

It reminds me of times early in our relationship and marriage where I laugh now because Hubby and I had the stupidest arguments.  I remember one of our biggest fights was in an IKEA store.  I don't like IKEA stores and Hubby loves them.  I like my home, rooms, furniture to be more unique than a set that I can pluck off an assembly line.  Hubby, on the other hand had so much fun pointing out his different favorite fantasy kitchens.  We had the biggest argument over the fictitious decisions as to how to decorate our non-existent home long before we were even engaged.

Sometimes Hubby will say something about a plan in the future... and I've learned to say, "Sure, maybe," "Sounds like a plan," "We'll see," and "Whatever you think, Babe." 

These are all my way of saying, "We will talk about that at length and in extreme detail should that situation ever actually present itself, but it is not worth arguing about *ahem... I mean* discussing at the present time." 

Most of the scenarios (or furniture patterns) that we talk about never actually happen or are years down the line.  Even if they are days or weeks down the line, a little time to think things over is so valuable before discussing something big and tackling a challenge together.

Time is such a precious and beautiful gift.

Repost To Young Mothers

Last night I came across a post that several of my friends had shared and I took the time to read the entire thing (a rarity for me on social media).  It was such a refreshing heartfelt post regarding young moms -- something that many women were, but very few seem to remember accurately.  This mother remembered, and her words were such nourishment and comfort to me, who is days (or maybe a few weeks) away from becoming a mother to four under four.  I do not know this woman, but her name is Jen Hatmaker, and I immediately shared the post on facebook, but I also had to post it here because it was so thoughtful and beautiful.

"This is me in a hospital bed in 2002 having delivered my third baby Caleb five hours earlier. The "big kids" came to meet him and crawled in bed with me. I found this pic yesterday and shed tears upon tears for every baby in this picture. 

For Sydney, my baby love who had just turned 2 thirteen days earlier. She was still in diapers. She had just been evicted from her crib because there was a new sheriff coming to town named Caleb. She had a meltdown just before this pic was snapped because we wouldn't let her hold Caleb, who she kept calling "my new baby, my new baby," by herself. Look at her snuggled into her mom. I could bawl and never stop. 

For Gavin, my first-born joy, who had just turned 4 not two months earlier. He was the sunniest, happiest, most delightful boy. He started using the word "actually" when he was like 15 months old and, only in the 5th percentile from the day of his birth to this very day, it was like a little tiny old man was walking around saying big words. I kissed him 300 times a day. 

The tears for my babies come quick. I can literally feel the phantom weight of them leaning against me with their snow white hair and baby skin. I remember exactly how they felt in my arms. Exactly. My life's joy. I can hardly look at their little faces. 

But most of my tears are for that young mama. She was 27 years old and five hours removed from delivering her third baby in four years. She was sore and tired and stitched, but she pulled those big babies into her bed to snuggle and read to them so they knew they were still her moon and stars. She would go home the next day with three babies and work from sunup to sundown and also in the middle of the night taking care of these treasures and sometimes crying in the bathroom. There was never, ever enough of her to go around, but God have mercy did she try. 

Here is to all you young mamas this morning. I see you. I remember. I know exactly what it feels like to have two in diapers and one still nursing. I remember the exhaustion that seeps all the way into your bones until you fall asleep with your clothes on and your contacts still in. How people hold the door for you at Target and say, "Wow. You really have your hands full." When your body, at its absolute peak just a few years ago, now shows the full effects of childbirth. I remember cutting grapes in half and squeezing ketchup packets until your fingers bleed. 

And the worry! I remember the worry. The world feels like a terrifying monster out to harm and steal and injure your babies, and you alone can keep them from eating pennies and avoiding bullies and obviously the onus is on you to not drive your car into a body of water with them all strapped into their carseats, a highly likely scenario I imagined no less than 7098 times. You are their guardian and protector and God help anyone who comes between a young mama and her little charges. 

I want to tell that 27 year old mom of three the same thing I want to tell you: You are doing a breathtaking, beautiful job. Your children are so loved and they know it. You are giving them something priceless that they won't even know how to identify later but it will settle down deep in their bones: security. They are safe with you, absolutely cherished. This isn't from one big thing you do; it comes from the million minutes you love them well. That's it. All your mistakes and meltdowns won't change it. You are raising healthy, loved, secure kids - it will matter so much. It lasts. It sticks. It is the air they breathe from that first day in the hospital, and you can't undo it. 

So much love to you, young moms. Love your babies exactly like you are doing, even if you feel like you are reading to two of them in the hospital bed you just delivered the third one in - I know. There isn't much down time. But all of this matters and you matter and this work is so important. I am cheering you on from the other side. I'll hold your seat over here. You're going to make it."

Wise Words

Timeless

Some advice is timeless...

Independence Day Words

God, Please Continue to Bless America.


"We are all Americans..." - President Ronald Reagan

Beating Cancer

I spend many hours watching ESPN, but I never knew the sportscaster, Stuart Scott.  Apparently Mr. Scott passed away recently following a battle with cancer.  He was awarded the Jimmy V. award recently, and in his acceptance speech, I said words that I want to remember,

“When you die, it does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live... So live.  Live.  Fight like hell and when you get too tired to fight, lay down, and rest and let someone else fight for you.”

I have had many family members whose cause of death was cancer... that did not mean they lost to cancer.  I have many family members who have beaten cancer... and they faithfully beat cancer every hour of every day, until they were welcomed into heaven by their Heavenly Father.

Rest in Peace, Stuart Scott... and so many others who beat cancer and are now cancer-free and resting in peace.

It's Not Commercialism... It's Wise Mothers.

I love Christmas, so I have never really pitched a fit when I see Christmas trees and garland for sale in stores around October... but I do make note of it.  I do sort of sake my head and wonder how stores can get away with selling Christmas earlier and earlier every year.

NOW, I realize, I have been very unfair in thinking that the early Christmas sales are due to commercialism.  It is not commercialism that starts Christmas earlier and earlier... is is wise mothers.

That's right, this year the wisdom of the early Christmas sales has snapped into place and I'm realizing that stores are not to blame.

As a first-time mother, I was so excited for my first ever dream-come-true Christmas with my wonderful husband, and my beautiful baby girl.  I have always envisioned Christmas cards, caroling, decorating our tree, decorating our home, baking Christmas cookies, visiting Santa Claus, doing Christmas children's crafts, reading the Nativity story, beautiful Christmas harp music filling our household, participating in Christmas pageants, bright packages wrapped under the tree... and of course driving several thousand miles to celebrate with the Sandens and the Millers.

Were I a wise mother, in order to accomplish everything I planned, I would have started in September, with the first sign of Christmas in the stores.

Next year, as  seasoned and wise mother, my preparations for Christmas will probably begin in October -- not to commercialize Christmas, but in order to squeeze as many joyful and special events into the actual Christmas season as possible.

Plus, next year, I won't be able to wrap Tracey Ann's presents in front of her, like I was able to this year.

Thank you, stores, that you begin Christmas sales so early -- next year, I will use it as a cue to begin my Christmas plans and preparations.

Now I understand.

My entire life my dad always preferred to go to bed at the same time as my mom.  He didn't like her staying up late for any reason... including a movie night with me, or girl time, or a girls weekend, etc.  Don't get me wrong, he loves that my mom and I are close, but he always said he couldn't sleep without my mom.

As a kid, I never believed him because I could hear him snoring when mom and I went back to bed... who was he trying to fool?  He could TOTALLY sleep without my mom.

Now I've learned, he was completely right.  Chris and I do not sleep well when the other is not there.  On nights where he works late, or when he's off hunting, or I'm out of town, we both find that we can't sleep, we toss and turn, and the sleep we get is fitful.

I'm sorry for doubting you, Dad.  Now I understand.

One of the best parts of my day is curling up next to my Hubby in bed.  On nights when I can't do that, everything feels wrong.

Maturity and Wisdom

My dad is right, a lot of maturing happens between age 20 and 30... at least that's what I'm noticing in myself.

I am learning so much from marriage that is affecting my relationship with God.  I am learning so much from motherhood that is affecting my relationship with God.  If I had been a better, more studious Christian woman and wife, it probably should have been the other way around -- my lessons from God affecting my marriage and motherhood... but I am grateful for the lessons and wisdom God provides from anywhere I can get them.

I am such a stubborn, strong-willed, passionate person.  I see the world in black and white, and there is not much room in my mind or strong-will for another perspective or opinion.

But I married a wonderful man at age 27, and I became a mother at age 30... and I am finding my stubborn, strong-willed, passionate personality to be changing every day.  Much of it is because I am trying to become a better Godly wife, mother, and person every day... and some days I step back and hardly recognize myself from the fire-cracker I was a few years ago.

These past few years I have learned... nope, I shouldn't say that.  These past few years, I have begun learning... to apologize, to forgive, to let things go, to surrender a situation, to pray for my attitude, to begin to discern what things are beneficial v. non-beneficial to a situation, to put the needs of others ahead of my preferences and desires, to look beyond what I think is "fair", and much more.

Through these lessons from marriage and motherhood, I think I am becoming a better follower of God, a better teacher, a better daughter, a better daughter-in-law, a better sister, a better sister-in-law, and a better friend.

I'm not going to lie... my youth was fun, but I think I am coming into a very beautiful season of maturity, and hopefully wisdom, and I really like the woman into whom God is shaping me.

Choices and Forgiveness

Sometimes Hubby and I disagree (crazy, I know) -- and not just disagree about what's for dinner or whether or not there is enough trash to take the can to the curb... but disagree on more philosophical ideas. 

Hubby believes a person chooses whether or not to be hurt by the actions of another.  I believe, once hurt, a person chooses whether or not to forgive the actions of another.

Hubby feels that being hurt is a choice -- that when someone behaves in a hurtful way, he makes a choice, in that moment, to be hurt or not. 
I feel that by being in meaningful relationships with others (friends, siblings, marriage, families) you open yourself up to the possibility of being hurt because, in order for relationships to be genuine, one must be vulnerable, and therefore open themselves up to the possibility of being hurt by another.  From my perspective, you do not choose whether or not to be hurt -- once hurt by someone close to you, you choose whether or not to forgive.

Maybe the truth is somewhere between Hubby and my opinions... either way, here is a Thought for Today:
 

via

Joy and Fear

These days I am learning first-hand that fear robs joy.

The Bible tells us to give thanks in all circumstances, be content in all things, and have a joyful Spirit.  It specifically tells us NOT to fear.  It tell us not to fear something like 365 times -- that number has always stuck in my mind, because it has a different verse every day telling us not to fear.

I am using the word "joy" much often these days, because when people ask me how my baby is, I tell them the truth -- she is an absolute joy.  I have been happy before... but, for me, motherhood is a JOY like I have never known before.

Since I am experiencing, and acknowledging joy more often in my life, I am trying to become a more joyful person in general.  It is in this effort that I have realized that fear robs joy.

I have said it before, and I will say it again, that my hope and prayer is to, eventually, be home with our children full-time.

I am realizing when I am joyful in my job, I am filled with fear about feeling it.  If I am joyful in my work, then I might not get to stay home someday.  If I am joyful in my work, God (or my husband) might not enable me to stay home, and I will have to work outside the home forever.

As I have noticed these feelings, I remembered back to when I was single and I knew I was supposed to be "content" with my life before marriage -- but I never felt joyful about it.  If I was joyful as a single woman, then God would never give me a husband.

All of these years I have discouraged joy in my heart and my spirit for fear that it will mean something else won't bring me joy.

Here's my revelation -- joy in one area of life is not mutually exclusive.  In fact, joy breeds joy!  When I am joyful at work, I am a more joyful mother.  When I am a joyful mother, I am a more joyful wife.  When I am joyful wife, I am a more joyful teacher, etc.

Fear that I won't get what I want (a husband, the ability to work from home) has robbed me of feeling joy where I am now, and, let me tell you, that stops NOW.

Tracey Ann is such a joy -- but, from now on, I will be on a quest to find joy in the students I teach, the colleagues with whom I work, and the long commute that I make.

Welcome, Joy.

 

Love In The Home -- A Poem

 
I just finished one of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar's books, A Love That Multiplies, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  If you don't recognize the name, The Duggars are the family with 19 children and are featured on a reality television show, 19 Kids and Counting.  Listening to this book has been such an opportunity to learn from a woman who is so many years ahead of me at striving to be a Godly mother.

Among many other gems in this book was a poem that Michelle has framed in her home where she can see it every day.  It struck such a cord in my heart that I will probably hang this somewhere in my home where I can see it every day as well.

If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in its place, but have not love, I am a housekeeper--not a homemaker.

If I have time for waxing, polishing, and decorative achievements, but have not love, my children learn cleanliness--not godliness.

Love leaves the dust in search of a child's laugh. Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window. Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk. Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys.

Love is present through the trials. Love reprimands, reproves, and is responsive. Love crawls with the baby, walks with the toddler, runs with the child, then stands aside to let the youth walk into adulthood. Love is the key that opens salvation's message to a child's heart.

Before I became a mother I took glory in my house of perfection. Now I glory in God's perfection of my child. As a mother, there is much I must teach my child, but the greatest of all is love.

Author Unknown

Letter To Future Mother

A friend from college recently contacted me with a great idea.  She said that she has a friend who is expecting her first child, a daughter, in the next few weeks, and my friend wants to create a collection of letters to the new mom from mothers who have daughters.

She asked me to write a letter to this mom-to-be, and I was so humbled to have been asked.  I, after all, have only been a mother for eight months, and I have so much yet to learn and experience.  It feels a little like being asked to give marriage advice while I'm still on my honeymoon... but nevertheless, I will share with you, the letter I wrote her.

Dear Mama-To-Be,

You are about to begin the most joyful, rewarding, and miraculous journey of your entire life.  You are about to meet someone who you have been missing your entire life... you just didn't know it.  You are so lucky to be having a baby girl.

You are about to have a best friend who is only a few months old.  You are about to see a new side of your husband and fall more in love with him than ever before.  You are about to make choices every day that will not only impact a person, but shape and mold the character and nature of a brand new human being.

If I sound like I'm being a little dramatic, it's intentional.  This change in your life, this higher calling, this journey on which God is leading, for which God has chosen you is the highest calling, the greatest purpose of your entire life.  Do not take it lightly.  
Cherish it.  Treasure it.  Savor it.

I, myself, have only been a mother to my baby girl for eight months -- eight of the fastest, most joyful, and perfect months of my life.  Throughout these months, I have come to value two thoughts above all others, which I will share with you now:

ONE
Develop a very sincere attitude of gratitude.  I was very lucky that this has come pretty easily for me because I had several friends/acquaintances pregnant and expecting around the same time I was.  One had a very difficult pregnancy, which resulted in her daughter being born premature and stillborn.  Another friend had a perfectly normal and healthy pregnancy and underwent a successful home birth.  Their daughter was born without any trouble, and died of respiratory distress a few hours later.  By the time they rushed her to the hospital, it was too late.

I do not tell you this to scare you.  I tell you this because I am SO GRATEFUL for my daughter.  There are women around the world -- two whom I can name, in my community, whose arms ACHE for their baby.  When my baby keeps me awake, I remember there are women who begging God for a baby to keep them awake.  When motherhood is difficult for one reason or another (and it is difficult), I remember that my baby -- crying, or fussy, or frustrating as she may be, is safe in my arms and I cherish her.

TWO
Remember to nurture your marriage in this major life change.  You were your husband's first -- before children, before pregnancy, before motherhood, before everything else.  There are days, speaking for myself, when my To-Do list is endless, and the laundry never got switched from the washer to the dryer, and I STILL didn't run the vacuum, which I told myself I wasn't going to bed until I ran, and no dinner was ever made -- Hubby had to fend for himself with a can of tuna... and when I crawl into bed all I want is sleep immediately because the baby will be up again in another three hours.  In those instances, if possible, try to extend yourself and attend to the needs of your husband.  Do not resent him, but love on him.

Your role is wife and mother.  Wife came first.  Wife comes first.  Communicate your needs to your husband so that he can try to help you.  He wants to help, but he needs you to specifically tell him how his help is most appreciated.  Then, make sure he knows how much you appreciate what he does.  While you're nursing, rub his back as he's falling asleep.  The one night you manage to make dinner, make sure it is his favorite.  When your daughter is a little older, make a date night a priority -- you won't want to at first, but that is a sign that you really need to.  Allow yourself to spend a few hours with your husband where he, not the baby, gets your undivided attention.

Before I got married, someone told me that marriage is not 50/50... it is both people giving 100% every day.  Having a child makes this need all the greater.


I am SO incredibly happy for you.  I am praising God for the amazing, one-of-kind daughter that He knit together perfectly to be your child.  God chose you to be her mother, so trust your instincts.  No one will ever, EVER know her better than you do.  Rest in this.