Thursday, October 24, 2013


Hubby and I are SO happy right now.  We feel like the most blessed, lucky, fortunate, most-loved of God's children on the face of the earth.  I don't want there to be any doubt in anyone's mind about how incredibly happy we are -- both as a couple in our marriage, and about our little baby.

That being said, I don't want to go through this entire pregnancy without documenting the incredible fear, uncertainty, and feelings of being overwhelmed I am struggling with and praying about throughout these nine months.

  • Chris and I are going to be responsible for a human life -- a brand new, helpless, growing, baby-becoming-an-adult person, human life.  THAT IS HUGE!
  • We have no idea how we're going to afford a baby
  • Sometimes I catch myself having the same thoughts I have had for years... "Someday, when we have a baby ... (insert whatever the situation)"  Then, I realize that ready or not, that someday of our having a baby is now!  We already have a baby... and we will be meeting that baby in a matter of months.
  • I absolutely love being married to Chris -- it took me 26 years to find him, and we've only had some 28 months of marriage just the two of us -- now we're suddenly not just husband and wife, we are mother and father.  What is that going to do to this amazing relationship I have come to love and feel so comfortable in?  We will never be just the two of us again.  I am struggling to be okay with the idea that our perfect little two-person family is ending.
  • Our days of being selfish are over.  They have to be.  We love to travel, and play, and relax, and enjoy our hobbies, and try new things, and live in the mountains... and the list goes on and on.  Suddenly, we are responsible for the life of our child.  All of our decisions -- large and small -- have to revolve around the best interest of this baby.
  • Childbirth is scary.  We are in classes to prepare for natural childbirth (The Bradley Method), and I am now doing exercises to prepare, and I know when the time comes, I will be relatively ready for it -- but childbirth is a scary idea.  Not only is the process something I have never done before -- but when it's over, it's just the BEGINNING of something else I've never done before -- I become the mother of a baby!!!
  • I like to sleep and my husband LOVES to sleep.  I hear that babies don't really let you do that very often.
I can't emphasize this enough -- life as Hubby and I know it is about to be over -- and the unknowns ahead are endless.  We are so blessed to be expecting this baby... and I want to focus on the blessing and the excitement on this blog... but the truth is, more often than not, I am very scared of this change.  I feel unprepared for this life change.  I feel inadequate for the task ahead.  I feel overwhelmed at the responsibility ahead and the changes that will need to occur.

Most days, I really love being pregnant -- but that doesn't mean I feel excited, or even ready, for motherhood.

Chris and I have complete faith that his baby is a gift from the Lord, and he/she has been perfectly knit together in my womb.  We absolutely believe that God's timing is perfect, and that we can do all things through Him who strengthens us.  We believe we are called to be parents, and apparently, we are called to be parents right now.  We have faith that the Lord will guide us through every decision and change ahead of us, and He will provide for all of our needs.

All of that being said... I try to focus on the excitement and blessing of this pregnancy, because daily I am praying about my fear and uncertainty.

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1 comment:

  1. I love your honesty in this. I understand so many of the items on your list. The only thing I can really say is Trust the Lord, cling to His promises, roll your burdens onto him, and seek Him in each situation.
    I can definitely testify that you will be ready to give birth when the time comes. With each of my births I have had to mentally/emotionally/spiritually prepare. One of the best things I've done is to have a specific Bible verse that you "claim" for the birth. I've had a different one for each of my babes. I memorize the verse and then say it over to myself throughout labor and delivery.


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