Wednesday, January 2, 2013

A Year Away

I don't want to wish my life away AT ALL!

I have never been one of those people just waiting for my life to begin.  I was never thinking that "as soon as..."
"As soon as I go to college..."
"As soon as I'm done with college..."
"As soon as I get a job..."
"As soon as I get married..."
"As soon as we buy a house..."
"As soon as we have a baby..."

I have never thought about my life as the exciting part just around the corner.

My life is now.

When students think of their life "finally starting" when they leave home, they're mistaken.  If, Lord forbid, something happened to this kid before he left home, he still would have had a life.  His life doesn't BEGIN when he leaves home, his life enters a new chapter when he leaves home.  His live is going on NOW.

I have always TRIED to treasure the stage of life where I am... I emphasize tried because it has not always been easy.  Sometimes I needed to be creative in order to find things to be grateful about for my current stage of life, but I always knew, and, to this day, KNOW, My Life Is NOW.

That being said, I am not looking forward to this next year, which is so ironic because 13 is my lucky number... and this year is 2013.

I am returning to grad school this year and I will be accelerating the program so as to complete all the requirements in one calendar year.  That means that by next Christmas (2013), I REALLY REALLY HOPE and PLAN to be finished.

To be honest, I am not excited to earn this degree... I am excited to HAVE this degree and FINISH this degree.  I want to HAVE EARNED the degree, not about to begin earning this degree.  Which means, I wish it was 1 year from now -- and I really DO NOT want to feel this way.

The problem is, when I think of 2013, ALL I think about is the parts of this degree.
Winter/Spring 2013, I will be juggling my regular difficult work load and traveling AND completing an on-line class.
June 2013, I will be living in Greeley, Colorado (in all likelihood, away from my husband and animals) to take an on-campus class.
July 2013, I will spend 3 weeks doing practicum work somewhere in the country (hopefully the mid-west)
August 2013, I will spend 3 weeks doing practicum work somewhere in the country (hopefully in the mid-west)
Fall 2013, I will be tying all the loose ends of the degree, working at my regular job, and spending 3 more weeks doing practicum work, having to take time away from my job, and living away from my husband and animals.

The entire program leaves me with possibly, POSSIBLY two weeks of vacation in the entire 2013 year (this, from a teacher who REALLY looks forward to, and benefits from her 8 week summer break!).  Two weeks to try to see Chris' family and my family and two weeks to somewhat recover from the year and gather the strength to keep on going.

When I look ahead at 2013, I see exhaustion, logistical head-aches, deadlines, and yes, a light at the end of the tunnel... but the light at the end of the tunnel is the end of 2013.

The ONE thing I Am REALLY REALLY looking forward to in 2013 is...

Chris and I are going to be an Aunt and Uncle on his side of the family!!!!

Chris' little sister and brother-in-law, Becky and Daniel, are expecting a baby in July and this will be the FIRST grandchild on the Miller side of the family.  Everyone is SOOO excited and we are really close to Chris' siblings so it is going to be so much fun to have a new baby in the family... and watch them handle a first-baby... before we have to handle a first-baby.

 We had so much fun shopping for Becky and Daniel for Christmas.  We bought Becky the Cardinal fan maternity shirt in the picture above, and we bought Daniel baby fireman pajamas... because Daniel is a fire-fighter, and their baby will have to be appropriately appareled!

 So, there's the truth about when I think about the year... I am not excited -- except for the new family baby.  But when I think about my year, I am not excited.  I am a little overwhelmed and very tired... and I wish it was a year from now.

Many bloggers pray about "words" for the year and they hold to that word for direction and the way they feel God is teaching them that year.  My human word for 2013 is NO, or TIRED, or STUDY, or DO I HAVE TO?... the word I keep coming back to in prayer for 2013 is FAITH.

Faith that I am meant to earn this degree.
Faith that I can do what is asked of me.

But I don't have Faith that I will enjoy it.
I don't have Faith that there are fun times ahead in 2013.
I don't have Faith that any rest will exist in 2013.
I have Faith there is work ahead in 2013.

Thanks for listening.

When you look ahead at 2013, what do you see?

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