Tuesday, February 10, 2015

"Just Wait 'Till The Second"

I've just got to say it...

I find it very condescending when people pass judgement on the way I parent Tracey Ann by the coy off-handed comment, "Just wait 'till the second."

I usually hear this from a variety of other mothers when I:
  • tell my mother-in-law that we don't want Tracey Ann to eat yogurt (or whatever the food) because of all the added sugar
  • try to keep up with her at children's play places to wipe off the objects before she climbs on them
  • mention that we use cloth diapers at home
  • take the time to teach her how to interact with her peers in the church nursery
Frankly, I find the comment really condescending.

Are they implying that I will not care as much about the second child as I do the first?  Or perhaps they are suggesting that I should not be caring for Tracey Ann the way that I am, and I will realize my mistake the second time around?  What if I do not have a second child -- you're still implying that I should make a change -- that if I could go back and do it differently, I should.  Either way, its certainly not a compliment about the way I mother.

Now, I know these mothers are not trying to imply all of the above, and they are not trying to insult me... but the fact is, every day, I make thousands of choices, thousands of little decisions that impact Tracey Ann, and, in every choice, I am trying to do what I believe is best for Tracey Ann (period).  First child, second child, twentieth child... I'm simply trying to do what I believe is best for her.

Sure, maybe my methods and opinions will evolve over the years, as I gain more experience parenting, as the world changes, and as, yes, I have more children for whom I am responsible... but let me come to those changes on my own, in my own time.  Don't imply that everything I believe is important, or every decision I make will be different once I have a second one.

 Whatever changes may come, I hope that, when I have more children, and I am talking to a mother of one, I hold my tongue and never say to her, "Just wait 'till the second."

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1 comment:

  1. I hear you! I always feel bad when someone says that phrase...


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