Proudest Moments

I don't like saying that I am "proud" of what I am about to write... I tried to find another word for how I feel about what follows, but try as I might, I can only describe it as pride.

I know that pride goes before a fall... so I really DON'T want to say I am proud of the following... but anything else would be a lie.

I am in the full-swing of work this week, and we are so blessed that my parents are here as our full-time day-care and house-keepers for a few weeks.  I don't know what is ahead -- in that I don't know how motherhood will progress from here, if I will be able to stay home, in the future, or what life will look like post-maternity leave.

I want to remember some things from these past 12 weeks that have made me really proud.  I want to remember some aspects of these past 12 weeks that have made me so proud of the wife and mother I have been in these weeks -- the feeling that I have become the wife and mother I've always dreamed of being.  I still have SO many areas where God still wants me to improve... but I have been very proud of the following:

• Giving birth to Tracey Ann without an epidural.  My love for her enabled me to be stronger than I ever thought possible, and my body naturally handled what it was created to handle.
• Hubby and me making the necessary sacrifices for me to take an entire 11 weeks, nearly 12 weeks, off from work to stay home with our baby.  Financially, this is not easy for us, but keeping our baby home, out of daycare, and with her Mama is a tremendous priority for us, and we are making the necessary sacrifices.
• Tracey Ann not only has been exclusively breast fed since she was born, but she has been exclusively BREAST fed.  She did not have her first bottle (of breast milk) until she was ten weeks old, and she is now twelve weeks old, and she has had a total of two bottles in her life.  The only reasons we have given her those bottles is to introduce her to breast milk via bottle before I am 100 miles away at work and her only option for food is a bottle.  Sticking with breast feeding and prioritizing breast feeding is not easy -- I can see why many women, who could breast feed, do not stick with it (I'm not talking about women who are unable to beast feed for a medical reason).  Being a baby's only source of nourishment is not easy, and I am so blessed that my body has been able to support my breast feeding, and I am so proud that I have made this a priority.
• Tracey Ann is in cloth diapers for most of the day (in disposables at night), and I take such pride in dealing with the hassle of cloth diapers every day, and scrubbing, bleaching, and washing them each night.  I literally scrub her diapers in the sink before washing them in the washing machine to reduce stains, and I am so proud that I am taking the time to do this.  I am helping our family financially, I am working to keep the diapers in good shape so we can use them as long as possible, and I am working to make sure our daughter will remain clean and healthy.  This is the kind of mother I want to be... and this is the kind of mother I have been since Tracey Ann turned 2 months old.
• Our daughter is our main focus these days... and has a newborn, her needs are our priority.  That being said, I have worked to prioritize the needs of my husband during these months that I've been home.  My full-time job has been to care for our daughter and home, which means, I want to support him in what he needs to do.  Even when I have been tired and discouraged, I have made an effort to put his needs ahead of mine (I am not perfect in this) in order to support him, love him, and display my love and appreciation for him.  I need to say, that my husband makes this very easy, because he often asks me how he can help me with Tracey Ann, so this is a frequent two-way street in our marriage.  I feel like a very good wife when I prioritize the needs and desires of my hubby.
• The diaper bag has been my purse for these past weeks.  I tried to carry both a diaper bag and a purse out of the house once, and I don't even know if I made it to the car -- TOO MUCH TO CARRY.  My keys, wallet, chapstick, and more have been in the diaper bag, and I love it!  No purse necessary because a diaper bag has come with me everyone I've gone.