Thursday, May 29, 2014

Marriage Postpartum

Our marriage had changed postpartum.  Well, our marriage has changed and evolved since the day we were married.

Looking back, our first year of marriage was the hardest.  It was wonderful, but it was a HUGE adjustment and we had a lot to learn.  We had never lived together -- neither one of us had ever lived with anyone except roommates, and married life was a HUGE change.

We were continuing to learn about each other, finding a routine, learning each other's expectations of marriage, and learning to communicate.

Our first year of marriage was great, but it was a year of adjustment.  Our second year of marriage was better than the first, and our marriage has continued to get better and better every year.

That being said, we are into a new season of adjustment -- the season of parenthood.  A season where it is no loner just the two of us, and we, together, have this HUGE responsibility of our daughter's life in our hands.  She needs both of us, and we need each other -- and, once again, we have a lot to learn.

We are learning to communicate in a new way, depend on each other in a new way, and work together as an even more interdependent team as we were before.

When Chris and I were first married, I realized why so many marriages fail.  Marriage is wonderful, and incredibly joy-filled, but it takes work to combine your life with someone else's.  Now that we have a baby, I, again, realize why so many marriages fail.  Keeping a marriage thriving in parenthood is work.  This is work that both Hubby and I are committed to, but it is work, and anyone who tells you differently is either not being truthful, or their marriage is not thriving.

Last weekend Hubby and I caught a few minutes of an interview by basketball player, Dwayne Wade.  I have no idea what was one that we happened to catch part of this interview, but we caught on to the fact that he has three sons, and is raising a nephew.  He was talking about the bond he has with his boys and how much he values being a father.  I think he certainly deserves to be commended for how much he values his role as a father, but he said something in his interview with which Hubby and I adamantly disagreed.

He was talking about how important his relationship with the boys were, and he said something like, "You're in a relationship with their mom, and you never know what's going to happen with that, but your relationship with the kids has to stay strong through everything," -- something like that.

I immediately said to Hubby that if what he just said was his attitude about his relationship with the mom, I think you can know "what's going to happen with that" the relationship is not going to last.

Marriages do not just last because two people, who are in love, get married and have children.  Advice that a friend who has been married many years gave me before I was married is that marriage is not 50/50... it is both people giving 100% every day.  Truer words were never spoken... and now that we have a child, its more like both people giving 200% every day.  We each give 100% to Tracey Ann... but we still need to give 100% to each other.

I am so thankful that God gave Hubby and me two-and-a-half years together just the two of us before He blessed us with a child.  And I am so glad that He is teaching us how to keep our marriage a priority despite the changes postpartum.

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