My Share Of The Blame

Truthfully, taking care of our little crew here does get easier each week -- not by a lot, but it does get easier and runs a little more smoothly.  But, I still am very tired, pretty much every minute of the day.

I have gone through phases in my life where I've enjoyed coffee, but I don't remember there very being a season like this one where I NEED caffeine each day.  Unfortunately, if I don't get it via coffee, I take it via Diet Coke (which is not a habit I want to continue.

But, the truth of the matter is, while my wonderful children are certainly largely responsible for the constant state of tired haze in which I operate, I do have a share of the blame.

So, when the twins have their last feeding of the day (which isn't necessarily their last feeding, but it is the last feeding before their longest stretch of sleep) -- the timing of which varies -- sometimes as early as 8pm, sometimes as late as 11pm, I do not go straight to sleep.  Following that feeding is a special time of the day for Hubby and me where Tracey Ann is asleep and the two of us are just us for an hour or so.  I usually spend that time writing my blog for the next day, Hubby and I usually watch a tv show together, we share some pillow talk, back rubs, or cuddles -- I do not go straight to bed when I could.

Then, when the babies are up for nighttime feedings -- usually two a night (between the 12am-2am window, and between the 4am-6am window), I am not always the best at winding back down to sleep.  First of all, I actually have to stay awake for these feedings because I feed both babies at the same time.  With Tracey Ann, there came a point in our nighttime nursing sessions where I would lay on my side, and and I could continue to snooze while she nursed.  With the twins, I am sitting upright, so when I fall asleep while they're feeding (and I have before) it is very uncomfortable for my neck, and they don't eat as well.

Then, I have learned that I am more irritable when I'm awakened and I've been asleep for five minutes than when I've been asleep for a few hours.  After a feeding, when I put the twins back in their bassinets, I need to wait a few minutes before trying to sleep myself.  If I lay down immediatley and one of them starts to fuss, I am NOT HAPPY to get back up and soothe them.  If I stay awake an extra five minutes watching a tv show or playing on my phone, I am much happier about soothing them back to sleep.

The problem is, once that five minutes passes, and I'm likely in the clear to fall asleep... I am invested in whatever tv show I'm watching and there's "only another ten minutes" or I really think I can pass this level of Candy Crush if I play "just one more time."

Also, occasionally Tracey will need attention when I'm up with the twins.  I'm not sure if she hears them awaken, or if I'm just awake so I hear her stirring, but sometimes soothing her, or changing her diaper delays my getting back to sleep.

And then, once or twice, I've run downstairs for a midnight snack to just take advantage of the absolute quiet of the night and a few minutes to myself, without my responsibilities, to enjoy a bowl of ice cream all by myself.

Yes, I do share the blame in how tired I am.