Motherhood and Guilt

Motherhood is full of many many personal decisions, and I think every woman needs to take everything in her life, and her child's life into consideration and then make the best choice for her family. (period).

Having said that, I don't buy into some of these mother pride campaigns on facebook -- like there is no right way to feed a baby to support women who don't breastfeed, or Cesarean birth is birth too.  Why do these women need the approval of social media for their decisions as mothers?  Frankly, if they do not feel confident in the decisions they made on their own, maybe they didn't make the best choice for their family.  If they did make the best choice for their family, that's all the approval they should need.

Motherhood Decisions of Which I am Proud:

• I am proud that I breastfed Tracey Ann for over a year (fifteen months)
• I was very comfortable that Tracey Ann stopped breastfeeding when she did and I feel no guilt about her not nursing until 18- or 24 months
• I am proud that I did not have any anesthesia for Tracey Ann's labor and delivery
• I am proud that we use clothe diapers some times -- we don't use them exclusively, but we do use clothe diapers when we can
• I am proud that my daughter is happy and healthy

One reason I can confidently and fully admit how proud I am of those decisions I made as a mother is because every day I make decisions that I feel so guilt about as a mother -- and I'm not waging any facebook campaign to make myself feel better about them, I'm simply living with the guilt and trying to do better tomorrow.

Motherhood Decisions for Which I Regularly Feel Guilty:

• Our daughter has her pacifier in her mouth too often 
• The television is on in our home too often
• Our dog does not get as much exercise as he should
• Now that its getting cold I'm realizing that our daughter doesn't have any pants long enough reach down to her ankles -- she basically wears skirts with capris underneath until I can get to Once Upon a Child to buy her some longer pants
• Since I've had the added project of packing, moving, and unpacking, Tracey Ann has been allowed and encourage to watch way too many cartoons and spend time playing on the ipad
• The larger I grow and the more physically uncomfortable I become in my pregnancy, the shorter my temper in almost every situation
• We've been in our new home for two weeks and Tracey Ann's clothes still are not unpacked and in drawers in her room
• Tracey Ann eats way too much mac and cheese
• I'm working outside the home and Tracey Ann spends time with a nanny
• Tracey Ann is with baby-sitters one night a week when I'm teaching at the local college because Hubby, inevitably has work responsibilities those same nights I am teaching

The truth is, every mother, if she is a good mother, feels guilty about decisions she has made, or circumstances she cannot control.  I don't think the way to be a better mother is to find other mothers who feel guilty and form a group about how we shouldn't feel guilty.  I think the best a mother can do is make the best choices she can, every day and try her best to do better tomorrow.