Someplace To Go

 

Faves

Schools closed for the next few weeks, and much uncertainty about the days to come... but so far, here are my favorite Corona virus memes:

 

Facebook Yesterday

Every year since 2005, I have acknowledged my sister's birthday on Facebook. Yesterday I did not. It is not because I forgot. 

Although I did spend some portion of the day wondering if her friends and my family would think that I forgot. I did not forget. 

But yesterday, I did not want to deal with anybody else. I did not want to hear their memories of my sister or hear their empathies or sympathies. Yesterday I was dark. And when I post things on Facebook, I prefer not to be dark. When I post about my sister, Tracey's, birthday on Facebook, I try to have it be a celebration of the 39 years she lived as opposed to the morning of the 18 years I’ve had without her. 

I always give myself a pass on March 12. I usually don’t know how I’m going to feel that day. Sometimes I celebrate life in a big way – go out to dinner, buy something special for the kids, call old friends. Some days I feel very dark. My sisters birthday is a harder day for me than the day she died. I don’t know why but it is. Perhaps it’s because on the day she died I think about her release from this life and her joy in heaven with her husband and the animals she loved so much. I think of the beautiful spot where her ashes were laid to rest and I think of her being at peace and out of pain.

On her birthday however, I think about her life. I think about what is unfinished what was left unfinished and the many, many, many years of my life that have been without her.

Yesterday I thought about posting something on Facebook. But I’m really tired of the same pictures of me and her. Every picture ending with me at age 18.

Not only that, but we took very very very few pictures together. She and I were alive together in the days before cell phone cameras and we never spent time taking pictures together. I did not want a reminder of that on Facebook today. There are almost no pictures of just my sister and me together -- just the same dozen or so of us in a group. And they will never be any additional pictures. And I didn’t need that reminder on Facebook today.

My senior year of high school was the first year we started to share secrets. It was the first time I felt like she and I might be on the same page. It was also the last nine months before she died. I had a lot going on that year. I had a boyfriend, I applied to colleges, I had Senior harp recitals, standardized testing, extracurricular activities, friends, everything a senior year should be for an all American girl. I didn’t have a lot of time to spend with her but the time I did spend with her was good that year. 

I have brief snapshots of memories of her coming to my tennis matches, of her bringing me workout pants at school when I forgot them, of our having a movie night up at her house, of my spending the night at her house for a sleepover. A memory when I’m sitting next to her in church on Christmas Eve and I’m come back to sit next to her after I played the harp. Listening to her voice sing the Christmas carols.

I do think we would have grown closer. Because of the hope we had during my senior year. And all those are not things I want to put on Facebook. I didn’t want to deal with anybody else yesterday.

 

I can remember my sister and her birthday without telling Facebook about it.

 

March 12

March 12 is my sister’s birthday. 

My girls each have two sisters. My boys each have three sisters. 

I had one half sister and she was born 21 years before I was. 

She died when I was 18. 

When I grieve my sister, I grieve the years we never had together more than I miss the years we did have together. 

At one point in her adult life she had two dogs, two cats, and 12 birds. A little excessive, one might say. I tolerated the birds. There were some that I liked and some I did not like, but I tolerated them all. 

Fast forward 20 years and I have one dog, one cat, and five children. A little excessive, one might say. Would my sister relate to my children the way I related to her birds? Would there be children she likes and children she does not, but would she tolerate them all?

Or would our common excess — her excessive animals and my excessive children be our true common ground in understanding each other?  Perhaps in our different eccentricities, we would find kinship and true camaraderie.

Perhaps.

Ten on the Tenth

10 or so  pictures taken on the 10th of March

Listening to music from Frozen 2 (and other Disney music) on the way to school

Car full

 You can't tell from this picture, but it was actually snowing/sleeting as I took this picture outside one of my schools

 Picture from Hunter's baby-sitter that he was having a happy day

Lunch - check; Breast pump - check!

News story regarding the COVID-19 cases in Colorado -- up to 15 total across 8 counties.

 Cutie chilling before bath time.

Cutie after bath time

Lee Lee kept following Hunter around with four or five toys and piling them on top of him whenever she had the chance.

Five children bathed and in pajamas... about to have dinner.  Trying to get them back on track following the time change.

Fun with portrait mode on my phone/camera

Quick nap while I got dinner on the table.

But back up to watch the big kids have dinner.

The day's milk in freezer bags -- I pump three times during the day.  The first bottle gets dropped off with Hunter in the morning, and the other two bottles go in the freezer.

 

March family calendar

Big kids are in bed, but this little guy still wants to eat and cuddle.

 Baby fed and asleep... but I still have to move him to the bassinet -- always tricky.

Hope you had a great March 10th!

Lee Lee Girl

I'm not sure if I've shared these pictures yet, but I sure think they're cute.

 

At That Age

Hunter is just at that age where he looks so adorable in his bouncy seat that I take adorable pictures of him... just like I did of his older siblings when they were the same age.