Little Hearts

 I'm going to be very honest about my reality of motherhood right now.  Sometimes the sheer weight of the reality of my responsibility is crippling.

I am responsible for how six individual people are developing.  I am trying to make sure the become honest people, followers of Christ, responsible citizens, happy, well-adjusted grown ups.  Adults capable of love and healthy relationships.  Adults excited to learn and grow, and gainfully employed.  Adults with a good sense of humor, compassion, kindness, goodness, self-control, and gentleness.

Also, I'm trying to make sure they have a joyful childhood full of friendship, growth, learning, support, and love.  I want them to eat their veggies, and their vitamins, to wear warm clothing, respect their teachers, encourage their friends, be challenged in what they do, develop determination, build strong relationships with their siblings, and get enough individual attention from Hubby and me that they know how unique and special they are to us and to the world.

The weight of that responsibility times six children is enough to take my breath away... so I can't think about the magnitude of ALL of that very often.

That said, I am keenly aware of the little hearts that are growing and developing on my watch and in my home.  Especially the hearts of my little girls.

So, when I have the chance to nurture and resolve something that is unsettled in their little hearts, I do everything I can to pause and give my children the chance to work through a heart issue while its going on.

We've had two such instances this week.

On Wednesday, Lee Lee had a particularly hard day at school so much so that her teacher called to discuss things with me.  In this case, it was a definitely case of Lee Lee showing her independence and wanting to do things her own way (not the teacher's way) even it if meant Lee Lee made the whole day less fun for herself, she willfully choose to do things her own way.

She and I talked a lot about that on Wednesday evening and she completely admitted that she wanted to be in charge and made some poor choices at school and she was really sorry for the way she treated her teachers.

So, we spent time making, "I'm sorry" cards for her teachers and found time to take them by the school on Thursday.  We practiced what she was going to say, and discussed that you can say, "I'm sorry" with a smile because you're going to try to do better next time.

After we saw her teachers, delivered the cards, shared her apologies, and received instant forgiveness from her wonderful teachers, Lee Lee told me 3 times later that day how much better her heart felt since she said she was sorry to her teachers.  She said she is going to make such good choices the next time she's at school and can't wait to go back.

I love that her little heart is already feeling the heaviness of when you do something wrong, and then the joy and relief of making things right.

Thursday night, as I was tucking Caroline into bed, she began crying out of the blue and she shared that Thursday (that day) was her music teacher's last day and her music teacher was moving to be close to family.  Caroline was almost inconsolable as she explained how much she loved music class and how she didn't get to say good bye the way she wanted to her teacher.

Tracey saw Caroline so upset and soon was crying as well, sharing Caroline's sorrow, and upset herself regarding the music teacher leaving.

So, I told Caroline that I would make sure she could say a better goodbye to her teacher.  In cases like this, it really helps that Hubby and I work for the district, because I was able to track down the music teacher's number very quickly and asked if we could stop by very quickly for my kids to say one last good bye before she left.

First thing in the morning, Caroline was ready to make her card for her music teacher, and she had most of the day to prepare for saying goodbye.  For Caroline, that preparation is an important piece.  She can't always get her thoughts together on the spot the way she can when she has time to think things through in advance.  We headed over to the music teacher's home in the evening complete with our children's homemade cards and a small flowering plant we picked up at the store.

All three kids were able to say good bye, but Caroline especially had a chance to share what was on her heart about how much she was going to miss her teacher and how much she loved music class.  Obviously our going to say good bye did not change the disappointment that this teacher is leaving, but I hope it gave Caroline's little heart a little more closure and peace than she had on Thursday night.

I want my girls to known that if something does not feel right in their heart, that's God trying to get their attention, and there's something that they can do to regain peace.

Their little hearts are so incredibly precious.  

I sincerely pray that I nurture, and not damage, these individual sweet natures.

My Girls

 I guess yesterday was National Daughter's Day... so here are my wonderful girls!

Special Daddy Time

This week, despite Hubby being incredibly busy with his school Homecoming events, he managed to arrange to spend some one on one special Daddy time with each of our big kids.

His initial plan was to take each of them to Glenwood Caverns with him, but then it was going to close too early to take Tracey after school so he ended up with three different adventures.

He took Tracey out to dinner at Chilis and then they went to PetCo where a sales lady let her touch a number of reptiles and amphibians.  Lastly they had ice cream on the way home.

He took Caroline to Glenwood Caverns where they got to ride some roller coasters together, and toured a fairy cave.

Finally, he and Howard went hunting this morning, which was a really big deal for both father and son -- first hunting adventure together.

Girl, Girl, Boy...

Girl

Girl

Boy

 

Every Year...

I came upon this blog post last week and it has really stuck with me.

It's called Encouragement for Every Sing Year of your Child's Life (1-18) and it's by a blog called  For The Family.

 She is writing about a daughter, so even though it says "Child's Life" I really hear her words regarding a daughter -- and I have three daughters at ages 5, 3, and 1... What a beautiful post to remember that a daughter's needs are different every year.

Here are her words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is finished.

We did it. 

Eighteen years of parenting and twelve years of school – completely under our belts, and the deed is done. Our daughter graduated from high school this week, and I wish I could travel back in time to my “younger-mom-self” and share these words with her.

Year One – Pick her up every time she cries. Don’t listen to the experts who don’t know your baby. You won’t get to hold her for very long, and her little heart needs to know you will always be there for her.

Year Two – Be patient with her. Tantrums are not forever. The world your toddler is exploring seems insurmountable at every turn, and she needs to know you are a safe place. 

Year Three – Make the whole world wait. Finger-paint every chance you get and read-aloud every book in sight. These are the things she will remember. 

Year Four – Buy lots of bandaids and keep them handy. Her brave new self wants to find out just how fast a tricycle can go. 

Year Five – Treasure your alone time with her. She’s moving into a stage of life where you will be only one of her many teachers. Always kiss her goodnight and pray for her future.

Year Six – Sit at the table with her. She’s absorbing the world around her and learning new, scary things like addition and subtraction. She needs you more than ever.

Year Seven – Pour into her heart when she wakes up scared and runs to you for reassurance – and never – ever – even in your sleep deprived moments – assume this will be how she always deals with fear. Let her know she can run to you.

Year Eight – Empathize and confess. Multiplication is from Satan himself, and she needs to know you too struggled with math. 

Year Nine – Cut her some slack. Long division is just as evil as multiplication. So when it is the last thing she wants to do, and it feels like disrespect to you, please know that she doesn’t dislike you, just the learning disability you don’t know about yet.

Year Ten – Remind her how beautiful she is. The glasses help her see better, but man… they make her feel “other” around non-glasses wearing folk. 

Years eleven, twelve and thirteen – See the child underneath. The slamming doors aren’t to shut you out. It’s to release all those hormones that hold her hostage and give no explanation as to why anger is their chosen form of expression. 

Years Fourteen and Fifteen – Don’t take your eyes off the ball. Crushes, braces, high school classes and the combination thereof make your time, your affection, and your investment all the more crucial. You are in the home-stretch now, and she’s counting on you to fight for her. 

Year Sixteen – Take a deep breath. She’s not gonna die and neither are you. Mastering driving happens like all the other skills – with practice and perseverance. She’s got this, and the Lord has you both. 

Year Seventeen – Repeat the words: “I don’t care. I care about you, but I don’t care about your ACT score or which college accepts you. I only care that you are safe, whole and following after Jesus. The rest doesn’t matter.”

Year Eighteen – Pull back your grip. Her wings need to spread. She’s as scared as you are, but it’s time. It’s what you’ve both worked so hard to accomplish. God is with you, and He will help you release your mama-hold so she can run towards her future ministry, husband, children and calling on her life. 

Blessings, 

Denise 

You can find me at www.denisemcdowell.com

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to the Mother (and Grammie) who is always here for us when we need her... despite actually living hundreds of miles away.

We loving having you in town for Mother's Day, Dance recitals, Charity races, and more!

 

 

Little Girls

"Mama.  Look, I have beautiful earrings!"

I love having little girls!

Five Months

Apparently, five months is the age that Hubby holds each of our daughters in front of him, and I snap a picture because they both look so adorable...

Can you name these babies? 

 Answer: From top to bottom -- Tracey, Caroline, Addallee

 

Rules From Hubby

Hubby reposted these on Facebook last night, and he almost never re-posts anything on facebook, so that tells you how much he liked them.  I thought they were worth sharing here as well.

Rules For My Daughters
1. Make your bed every day; even if it's right before you get in it.
2. Don't wear holey underwear in case you're in an accident and they cut your clothes off.
3. Travel light through life. Keep only what you need.
4. Put butter on your biscuit, and twice as much when you miss me.
5. It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt. It’s also okay to smash things; but, wash your face, clean your mess, and get up off the floor when you’re done. You don’t belong down there.
6. If you’re going to curse, be clever. If you’re going to curse in public, know your audience.
7. Seek out the people and places that resonate with your soul.
8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
9. 5-second rule. It’s just dirt. There are worse things in a fast food cheeseburger.
10. Happiness is not a permanent state. Wholeness is. Don’t confuse these.
11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack your bag.
12. Never walk through an alley.
13. Be less sugar, more spice, and only as nice as you’re able to without compromising yourself.
14. Can’t is a cop-out.
15. Hold your heroes to a high standard. Be your own hero.
16. If you can’t smile with your eyes, don’t smile. Insincerity is nothing to aspire to.
17. Never lie to yourself.
18. Your body, your rules.
19. If you have an opinion, you better know why.
20. Practice your passions.
21. Ask for what you want. The worse thing they can say is no.
22. Wish on stars and dandelions, then get to work to make them happen.
23. Don’t skimp on good sheets.
24. Fall in love often. Particularly with ideas, art, music, literature, food and far-off places.
25. Fall hard and forever in love with yourself.
26. Say Please, Thank You, and Pardon Me, whenever the situation warrants it.
27. Reserve I’m sorry for when you truly are.
28. Naps are for grown-ups, too.
29. Question everything except your own intuition.
30. You have enough. You are enough.
31. You are amazing! Don't let anyone ever make you feel you are not. If someone does....walk away. You deserve better.
32. No matter where you are, you can always go home.
33. Be happy, say your prayers and remember your roots.
34. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
35. No one will ever love you more than I do 

Rules For Son:

1. Never shake a man’s hand sitting down.
2. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs ain’t one.
3. The man at the grill is the closest thing we have to a king.
4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.
5. Act like you’ve been there before. Especially in the end zone.
6. Request the late check-out.
7. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
8. Hold your heroes to a higher standard.
9. Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.
10. Play with passion or not at all...
11. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look him in the eye.
12. Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
13. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.
14. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.
15. You marry the girl, you marry her whole family.
16. Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like crazy underneath.
17. Experience the serenity of traveling alone.
18. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.
19. Never turn down a breath mint.
20. In a game of HORSE, sometimes a simple free throw will get ’em.
21. A sport coat is worth 1000 words.
22. Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising.
23. Thank a veteran. And then make it up to him.
24. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.
25. Eat lunch with the new kid.
26. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.
27. Ask your uncles to play. They won’t let you win.
28. See it on the big screen.
29. Give credit. Take the blame.
30. Write down your dreams.
31. Always protect your siblings (and teammates).
32. Be confident and humble at the same time.

Sweet Sisters

I have mentioned how much Caroline loves attention from her brother and especially her big sister.

Yesterday, Howard was in my lap, so Caroline just climbed up on the couch and made herself at home in her sister's lap.  At first Tracey was a little annoyed, but then I think she realized that Caroline wasn't trying to bother her, just wanted a hug and some affection.  Then, Tracey loved laying her back into her lap and giving her hugs, which I have to say looked pretty uncomfortable for Caroline, but she just laughed and squealed and loved every minute of it.

I pray these sweet sisters through think and thin are always there for one another and always share such a sweet, loving bond.

Father Of The Bride Over The Years

I recently read an interview with Kimberly Williams-Paisley about the movie Father of the Bride, which was her big break-out role.  It is the 25th Anniversary of the release of the movie this year, and she was reminiscing about the role, and the challenges, and how much it changed her life.

Reading the article made me want to see the movie again, so I watched it last night.

I knew the movie was going to make me cry at some point, because it always does, and I'm a sentimental person.

What I didn't expect was to be taken back to previous years -- well, decades of enjoying this movie and how many emotions it would stir.

I remember the first time I saw Father Of The Bride because I was on my first ever family cruise to Alaska in 1992 with my parents, older brother and sister, and brother-in-law.  My sister, Tracey had already seen the movie and said it was hilarious, and that Steve Martin's character reminded her a lot of Dad and the process of planning her wedding, which has taken place a few years prior.  I was 8 years old, and too young to understand all of the comedy... but I do remember thinking that Tracey was crazy because our dad was NOTHING like Steve Martin's character in the movie.

Then, eight or nine years later, I was a teenager deep in puppy love with my high school boyfriend and we rented the movie.  We laughed at how my boyfriend could relate to the fiance in the movie and how nervous he was to meet my parents... and I began to see the similarities Tracey was talking about in how Dad might behave when planning a wedding.

Another decade later, I was the bride, so happy and in love and planning a wedding.  I loved watching this movie during that season because it was so funny, and I could understand what my sister (who had now passed away) meant when she said, twenty years ago, that Steve Martin's character reminded her of our dad.  Now, obviously the comedy separates fact from reality, and my Dad is, in my opinion, one of the most reasonable man on the planet... but there are certain traits that he shared with Steve Martin's character when it came to actually giving his two daughters away and hosting two big weddings.

Now, I'm watching the movie as a mother.  I'm watching the movie with two daughters of my own -- two little girls, who adore their Daddy.  I see how much husband adores his two baby girls... and its definitely a different relationship than it is with our son.  He loves our son, and has a special bond with him... but our little girls have him wrapped around their fingers.  What a different perspective to watch this movie as a mother, with my own tiny, baby girl daughters sleeping down the hall.

I watch the scenes where the Dad is trying to save money wherever possible, and I have a new appreciation because I know what its like, as a mother, to live on a budget and how big events, parties, and expenses are hard to swing within the budget.  Then, I see the father realize he wants to make his little girl happy, whatever the cost (within reason), and I remember when my Dad told me he was willing to buy the me the veil I wanted for my wedding.  I was wearing a family wedding dress, so the dress was not a major cost -- alterations, yes, but not like purchasing a brand new gown.  
But my veil was brand new.  
My veil was breath-taking.  
My veil was gorgeous.  
My veil was expensive.  
When my dad said he would buy me that veil and wanted me to feel like the most beautiful bride, I appreciated it then.  But I look back with a deeper appreciation of what he was really giving me, as a father making sacrifices to give his little girl everything possible, and planning a wedding that will take her away.  It is the same in the movie -- the father chooses to give his daughter the most beautiful wedding in his power, because he adores his little girl.

Here are some pictures of my veil before I go on, so you know what I'm talking about...

 

... So as I project forward -- in another decade-and-a-half, my daughters could potentially be the teenagers in puppy love, laughing at the movie with their boyfriends who were nervous to meet us (the parents).

And then, another decade later, our daughters will be the brides and I will get to watch my own husband as the zany Father Of The Bride, as he copes, in his own way, with letting our baby girls go.

I always knew this movie was special... but I did not know that this movie is applicable repeatedly to multiple generations as they travel through various rites of passage, and the circle of life.

Hats

So as I just yesterday posted about our sweet Caroline's fashion sense, she did something yesterday to expand her stylish nature -- she decided she loved hats.

The kid's sunhats were scattered around the family room, and Caroline systematically gathered one hat at a time, brought them to me for me to put it on her head, then went off to find another, and bring me the next one to stack on her head.  At one point, I think she was wearing four hats and beaming like she was wearing a princess crown.

Hats and shoes and necklaces and counting... what a little fashionista she is becoming.