1000 Words
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Reflections on Christmas Eve
 |
| Hubby and me (and Lloyd) Christmas Eve, Michigan 2013 with Grammy and Papa Sanden |
My mom has told me for years how special it is to be pregnant at Christmas time, and this year, I got to experience this privilege for myself.
I already had a new appreciation for Mary, mother of Jesus, when we traveled 1200 miles in a minivan across America. I the more and more uncomfortable I became, and the more and more my ankles swelled, I just kept saying to myself, "At least I'm not on a donkey. At least I'm not on a donkey."
 |
| Momma (Grammy) and Daddy (Papa) |
As an expectant mother, I am filled with questions about my unborn child... but Mary, on the night her child was born, was greeted by strangers telling her of how angels announced her son's birth to them, and calling him a Savior. This tiny baby, whose entire life lay before him was already called the Savior.
Kings from the East traveled hundreds of miles to bow down and worship Him -- Kings were worshiping her baby. Again, this baby, whom she has housed and grown for 9 months, whose entire life was ahead of him had current Kings bowing before Him and bringing expensive gifts to his make-shift cradle.
Suddenly, as I listened to the Christmas story with new ears, the miracle of Jesus' birth wasn't just that a virgin conceived and brought forth a son... it was that the Lord shared Jesus' purpose with His children from the moment of His birth. It was the realization that Jesus was born for the purpose of saving God's children -- which I knew -- but to know that this innocent baby's life was predestined before He ever breathed a single breath.
Its hard for me to explain, but it really was such a cool experience to listen to the Christmas story, with my own little baby kicking and squirming inside.
I truly believe that all of God's creatures have a spirit uniquely created and knit together at conception. I have a friend who always takes her infant children with her to Bible studies, because she believes that their spirits can receive Truth and the Word, even though they are infants. That being said, I believe that our little one already has a spirit that is striving to know and worship his creator.
That is why, I believe, our little one was kicking and squirming throughout our Christmas Eve service. Our little one knew that we were listening to the story of our Savior, and, just like the rocks would cry out in worship, our baby couldn't help but kick and squirm in worship and praise of our Savior's birth.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Preggers I: 36 Weeks
36 Weeks
How far along? 36 weeks
How I am feeling? Well... tired. Hubby and I have been home most of this week, and so, while last week, I was feeling prepared for the possibility of going into labor on the trip from Michigan to Colorado... now that we're home in Colorado, I do not feel prepared for the baby's arrival. Hubby and I have gotten A LOT done this week... but there are still a lot of other things I want to accomplish at home before our little one arrives. So, I'm feeling tired with a lot of work to do.
How big is baby? The size of a honeydew...17.2-18.7 inches, and 4.2-5.8 pounds.
Sleep: Sleep has been a little more difficult this week as I'm getting larger. All-in-all, though, I'm just grateful for sleep, when I can get it.
Boy/Girl Prediction: I'm thinking it is probably a boy. I think. Maybe.
Baby Nicknames: Pretty much Baby, Nugget, or Little One.
Best moment this week: Getting home with my hubby and watching him unpack and set up our car seat and baby swing. He is so adorable, and excited. We also toured the hospital this week, and had a great time learning about where our baby will be born, and meeting some nurses. We're getting closer.
Food cravings: Nothing in particular... I just get really hungry if I don't eat every few hours.
Labor Signs: Not yet, but I have had some minor Braxton Hicks contractions when I've been on my feet for awhile.
General Attitude: Well, trying to savor these final days or weeks of pregnancy, but also its driving me crazy that I don't know exactly how much time I have to prepare for the baby. I am so accustomed to knowing what I need to accomplish, and by what deadline. In this case, I don't know the deadline. The deadline could be tomorrow, or it could be 5 weeks from now. I'm just trying to take each day as it comes, accomplish what I can, savor time with my husband and animals, and be aware of my physical limitations. It is such a crazy place to be mentally, physically, and emotionally.
What I am looking forward to this week: I don't really know that I am looking forward to getting back to work, as much as I am looking forward to knowing I only have a few more weeks to work. It will be nice to see my students again, and just take each day as it comes, accomplish what I can, and try to be prepared to leave it all at a moment's notice.
Milestones: I am now to the point in pregnancy when I see my doctor weekly. Also, this isn't really a pregnancy milestone, but I finally took our Christmas tree down -- which was much more difficult to take down at 8+ months pregnant than it was to put up at 7 months pregnant.
Missing: Yes, this week I am missing the ability to bend over and do laundry without discomfort. I am missing the ability to do housework without getting a sore lower back. In a nutshell, I'm missing my endurance.
Movements: Yes, and they are still wonderful. Hubby has started just casually keeping his hand on my stomach anytime he can, even if the baby's not moving, and it's wonderful. I think he realizes that our baby could arrive any day, and these baby movements in my belly could end anytime. We can also see my stomach moving with the baby's movements daily, which is just crazy cool.
Labor Signs: Not yet, but I have had some minor Braxton Hicks contractions when I've been on my feet for awhile.
General Attitude: Well, trying to savor these final days or weeks of pregnancy, but also its driving me crazy that I don't know exactly how much time I have to prepare for the baby. I am so accustomed to knowing what I need to accomplish, and by what deadline. In this case, I don't know the deadline. The deadline could be tomorrow, or it could be 5 weeks from now. I'm just trying to take each day as it comes, accomplish what I can, savor time with my husband and animals, and be aware of my physical limitations. It is such a crazy place to be mentally, physically, and emotionally.
What I am looking forward to this week: I don't really know that I am looking forward to getting back to work, as much as I am looking forward to knowing I only have a few more weeks to work. It will be nice to see my students again, and just take each day as it comes, accomplish what I can, and try to be prepared to leave it all at a moment's notice.
Milestones: I am now to the point in pregnancy when I see my doctor weekly. Also, this isn't really a pregnancy milestone, but I finally took our Christmas tree down -- which was much more difficult to take down at 8+ months pregnant than it was to put up at 7 months pregnant.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Final Days... or Weeks
Hubby and I are in our final days before our little one arrives... and it is the weirdest place to be.
We might be expecting our baby for another few days... we might be expecting our baby for another month - or more. We never know if our more recent evening, dinner, or night together will be our last evening, dinner, or night before our baby arrives. It is bitter, and sweet, and emotional, and exhausting, and overwhelming... and more.
We toured the hospital birthing center yesterday, and things are getting very real, very fast! We had a number of questions and I was taking notes, and the nurse who gave us a tour said that we are her favorite couple of 2014 thus far, because we were so organized. :-D For her to say that, she clearly hasn't seen our house -- our house is not yet organized and ready for baby.
I feel like I could write for hours about the mixed emotions I'm having during these final days (or weeks) of pregnancy, but Hubby found an article that said it much better than I ever could.
From mothering.com, here is "The Last Days of Pregnancy: A Place of In-Between" by Melanie Mayo -- thank you for saying this so well.
Shouldn’t there be a word for this state of being, describing the time and place where mothers linger, waiting to be called forward?
Germans have a word, zwischen, which means between. I’ve co-opted that word for my own obstetrical uses. When I sense the discomfort and tension of late pregnancy in my clients, I suggest that they are now in The Time of Zwischen. The time of in between, where the opening begins. Giving it a name gives it dimension, an experience closer to wonder than endurance.
I tell these beautiful, round, swollen, weepy women to go with it and be okay there. Feel it, think it, don’t push it away. Write it down, sing really loudly when no one else is home, go commune with nature, or crawl into your own mama’s lap so she can rub your head until you feel better. I tell their men to let go of their worry; this is an early sign of labor. I encourage them to sequester themselves if they need space, to go out if they need distraction, to enjoy the last hours of this life-as-they-now-know-it. I try to give them permission to follow the instinctual gravitational pulls that are at work within them, just as real and necessary as labor.
The discomforts of late pregnancy are easy to Google: painful pelvis, squished bladder, swollen ankles, leaky nipples, weight unevenly distributed in a girth that makes scratching an itch at ankle level a feat of flexibility. “You might find yourself teary and exhausted,” says one website, “but your baby is coming soon!” Cheer up, sweetie, you’re having a baby. More messaging that what is going on is incidental and insignificant.
What we don’t have is reverence or relevance—or even a working understanding of the vulnerability and openness a woman experiences at this time. Our language and culture fails us. This surely explains why many women find this time so complicated and tricky. But whether we recognize it or not, these last days of pregnancy are a distinct biologic and psychological event, essential to the birth of a mother.
We don’t scientifically understand the complex hormones at play that loosen both her hips and her awareness. In fact, this uncomfortable time of aching is an early form of labor in which a woman begins opening her cervix and her soul. Someday, maybe we will be able to quantify this hormonal advance—the prolactin, oxytocin, cortisol, relaxin. But for now, it is still shrouded in mystery, and we know only how to measure thinning and dilation.
We need time and space to prepare for that journey. And somewhere, deep inside us, at a primal level, our cells and hormones and mind and soul know this, and begin the work with or without our awareness.
I call out Zwischen in prenatals as a way of offering comfort and, also, as a way of offering protection. I see how simple it is to exploit and abuse this time. A scheduled induction is seductive, promising a sense of control. Fearful and confused family can trigger a crisis of confidence. We are not a culture that waits for anything, nor are we believers in normal birth; waiting for a baby can feel like insanity. Giving this a name points her toward listening and developing her own intuition. That, in turn, is a powerful training ground for motherhood.
Today, I am waiting for a lovely new mother named Allison to call me, to announce that her Zwischen is ended and labor has begun. I am in my own in between place, waiting. My opportunity to grow and open is a lovely gift she gives me, in choosing me to attend her birth."
 |
| via |
We toured the hospital birthing center yesterday, and things are getting very real, very fast! We had a number of questions and I was taking notes, and the nurse who gave us a tour said that we are her favorite couple of 2014 thus far, because we were so organized. :-D For her to say that, she clearly hasn't seen our house -- our house is not yet organized and ready for baby.
I feel like I could write for hours about the mixed emotions I'm having during these final days (or weeks) of pregnancy, but Hubby found an article that said it much better than I ever could.
From mothering.com, here is "The Last Days of Pregnancy: A Place of In-Between" by Melanie Mayo -- thank you for saying this so well.
"She’s curled up on the couch,
waiting, a ball of baby and emotions. A scrambled pile of books on
pregnancy, labor, baby names, breastfeeding…not one more word can be
absorbed. The birth supplies are loaded in a laundry basket, ready for
action. The freezer is filled with meals, the car seat installed, the
camera charged. It’s time to hurry up and wait. Not a comfortable place
to be, but wholly necessary.
The last days of pregnancy— sometimes stretching to agonizing
weeks—are a distinct place, time, event, stage. It is a time of in
between. Neither here nor there. Your old self and your new self,
balanced on the edge of a pregnancy. One foot in your old world, one
foot in a new world.Shouldn’t there be a word for this state of being, describing the time and place where mothers linger, waiting to be called forward?
Germans have a word, zwischen, which means between. I’ve co-opted that word for my own obstetrical uses. When I sense the discomfort and tension of late pregnancy in my clients, I suggest that they are now in The Time of Zwischen. The time of in between, where the opening begins. Giving it a name gives it dimension, an experience closer to wonder than endurance.
I tell these beautiful, round, swollen, weepy women to go with it and be okay there. Feel it, think it, don’t push it away. Write it down, sing really loudly when no one else is home, go commune with nature, or crawl into your own mama’s lap so she can rub your head until you feel better. I tell their men to let go of their worry; this is an early sign of labor. I encourage them to sequester themselves if they need space, to go out if they need distraction, to enjoy the last hours of this life-as-they-now-know-it. I try to give them permission to follow the instinctual gravitational pulls that are at work within them, just as real and necessary as labor.
The discomforts of late pregnancy are easy to Google: painful pelvis, squished bladder, swollen ankles, leaky nipples, weight unevenly distributed in a girth that makes scratching an itch at ankle level a feat of flexibility. “You might find yourself teary and exhausted,” says one website, “but your baby is coming soon!” Cheer up, sweetie, you’re having a baby. More messaging that what is going on is incidental and insignificant.
What we don’t have is reverence or relevance—or even a working understanding of the vulnerability and openness a woman experiences at this time. Our language and culture fails us. This surely explains why many women find this time so complicated and tricky. But whether we recognize it or not, these last days of pregnancy are a distinct biologic and psychological event, essential to the birth of a mother.
We don’t scientifically understand the complex hormones at play that loosen both her hips and her awareness. In fact, this uncomfortable time of aching is an early form of labor in which a woman begins opening her cervix and her soul. Someday, maybe we will be able to quantify this hormonal advance—the prolactin, oxytocin, cortisol, relaxin. But for now, it is still shrouded in mystery, and we know only how to measure thinning and dilation.
“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you, Peter Pan. That’s where I’ll be waiting.” -TinkerbellI believe that this is more than biological. It is spiritual. To give birth, whether at home in a birth tub with candles and family or in a surgical suite with machines and a neonatal team, a woman must go to the place between this world and the next, to that thin membrane between here and there. To the place where life comes from, to the mystery, in order to reach over to bring forth the child that is hers. The heroic tales of Odysseus are with us, each ordinary day. This round woman is not going into battle, but she is going to the edge of her being where every resource she has will be called on to assist in this journey.
We need time and space to prepare for that journey. And somewhere, deep inside us, at a primal level, our cells and hormones and mind and soul know this, and begin the work with or without our awareness.
I call out Zwischen in prenatals as a way of offering comfort and, also, as a way of offering protection. I see how simple it is to exploit and abuse this time. A scheduled induction is seductive, promising a sense of control. Fearful and confused family can trigger a crisis of confidence. We are not a culture that waits for anything, nor are we believers in normal birth; waiting for a baby can feel like insanity. Giving this a name points her toward listening and developing her own intuition. That, in turn, is a powerful training ground for motherhood.
Today, I am waiting for a lovely new mother named Allison to call me, to announce that her Zwischen is ended and labor has begun. I am in my own in between place, waiting. My opportunity to grow and open is a lovely gift she gives me, in choosing me to attend her birth."
Friday, January 3, 2014
Friday Letters: Preparing for Baby
Happy Friday -- at least, I'm trying to think of it as a happy Friday...
most Fridays mark the end of the work week -- but this Friday marks the end of our wonderful vacation, and a reminder that Hubby and I are headed back to work on Monday.
That is okay, it has been a great break -- although we are still working like crazy to get our home ready for the baby, knowing that the baby could come anytime, and headed back to full time work in just a few days.
But I digress... here are this friday's letters:
Dear Baby, I can tell you are growing like crazy. There is not much I can do these days without my being reminded of how big you are getting. We are so grateful that you are healthy.
most Fridays mark the end of the work week -- but this Friday marks the end of our wonderful vacation, and a reminder that Hubby and I are headed back to work on Monday.
That is okay, it has been a great break -- although we are still working like crazy to get our home ready for the baby, knowing that the baby could come anytime, and headed back to full time work in just a few days.
But I digress... here are this friday's letters:
Dear Baby, I can tell you are growing like crazy. There is not much I can do these days without my being reminded of how big you are getting. We are so grateful that you are healthy.
- Dear Laundry, I do not mind how much more of you there is now that we are preparing for our baby... but I do mind how much my stomach gets in my way when I reach down into the washer and dryer.
- Dear Hubby, It has been so much fun to watch you excitedly put together all our baby equipment. Car seats, pack-n-play, baby swing, and more are all ready for our little one. You are going to make such a wonderful dad.
- Dear Lexie, You have wanted to be held all the time today... I hope you don't know something that I don't, but I am glad I can take the time to hold and snuggle you a little extra before the baby arrives.
- Dear Lloyd, You are such a wonderful puppy. You have learned very well that you have to be a little more careful with Mama these days. You are such a good boy, and will make such a good big brother to our new little one.
- Dear College Football Bowl Games, Hubby and I have thoroughly enjoyed your games this week -- we will really miss college football from the time you are over until September.
- Dear Friends and Family, THANK YOU so much for all the amazing baby gifts we have received. I am working on thank you notes.
- Dear Little Rifle Home, You seemed SOOOO big when Hubby and I moved in over two years ago, but I have to admit, as we try to arrange our home and our life to allow for our baby, you seem smaller by the day.
- Dear Hubby, Thank you for taking such good care of me during these final weeks of pregnancy. I often wonder if I will ever have my figure, or my energy back again, but you are so wonderful, optimistic, positive, and supportive through everything. I love you!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Preggers I: 35 Weeks
 |
| This picture was taken at my baby shower in Michigan The banner says "Welcome Little Honey" and the stuffed animals are from Winnie the Pooh |
How far along? 35 weeks (a little late because we were traveling... but I will write from the perspective of last weekend, 35 weeks)
How I am feeling? More prepared than I have felt before. We had a wonderful baby shower in Michigan, plus Christmas was last week, and we received such lovely gifts. My parents even gave us a car seat for Christmas... so really, the baby can arrive any time! :-D After the shower, we went shopping for the remaining big and/or essential items that we need before the baby arrives. We are more prepared now than we have ever been.
How big is baby? The size of a coconut...17.2-18.7 inches, and 4.2-5.8 pounds.
Sleep: I have still been able to sleep really well. As long as I can manage the heartburn, if I cannot sleep, it usually isn't due to pregnancy discomfort, it's just due to not being in my own home, and having a lot going on.
Boy/Girl Prediction: Most friends and family have been referring to our little one as "he" -- so maybe a boy... maybe a girl.
Baby Nicknames: Pretty much Baby, Nugget, Little One, or Little Honey
Best moment this week: There were several this week including Christmas with my parents, my lovely baby shower in Michigan, and buying our remaining necessary baby items... but I think the absolute BEST moment of this week was at the midnight Christmas Eve service at church. It was so beautiful to hear the Christmas story from the perspective of an expectant mother. Also, as the gorgeous music played and the stories were read, the baby was kicking like crazy. It was amazing.
Food cravings: Nothing in particular...
Labor Signs: Not yet.
General Attitude: Feeling as though the baby will not come on our journey from Michigan back to Colorado, because we are SO prepared for this possibility. My parents were traveling at 34 weeks from Florida back to Michigan, and my mom's water broke... and they were not prepared at all. We are as prepared as we could be -- we have our hospital bag in the car, we know where the baby book, and camera are packed, and we have a car seat... therefore, there is no way my water will break on the way back to Colorado. We are just too prepared for it.
What I am looking forward to this week: Relaxing at home in Rifle with my hubby. We have a lot of baby things to organize, we have our home to continue to prepare for the baby, and we are cherishing these final days of life together, just the two of us, before our life is forever changed.
Milestones: At 35 weeks, I have officially carried this baby longer than my mom carried me. Also, my belly button has not popped out... but its about as flat as it can possible get before it pops out.
Missing: I don't think anything this week... it was a good week.
Movements: PLENTY! I LOVE feeling the baby move. I am really going to miss these when the baby is no longer inside my body.
Labor Signs: Not yet.
General Attitude: Feeling as though the baby will not come on our journey from Michigan back to Colorado, because we are SO prepared for this possibility. My parents were traveling at 34 weeks from Florida back to Michigan, and my mom's water broke... and they were not prepared at all. We are as prepared as we could be -- we have our hospital bag in the car, we know where the baby book, and camera are packed, and we have a car seat... therefore, there is no way my water will break on the way back to Colorado. We are just too prepared for it.
What I am looking forward to this week: Relaxing at home in Rifle with my hubby. We have a lot of baby things to organize, we have our home to continue to prepare for the baby, and we are cherishing these final days of life together, just the two of us, before our life is forever changed.
Milestones: At 35 weeks, I have officially carried this baby longer than my mom carried me. Also, my belly button has not popped out... but its about as flat as it can possible get before it pops out.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year!
We had a great New Year's Eve...
We had a great New Year's Eve...
- home
- bed
- relaxation
- feeling baby kicks
- sparkling cider
- a good night's sleep
- recorded tv shows
- five more days of relaxation ahead of us
- 2014 -- the best year yet
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)