Sunday, March 7, 2010

Still A Kid.

My siblings are much older than I am. One was 21 when I was born, the other was 18 when I was born.

In my opinion, having siblings roughly a generation older than I was, and a father nearly two generations older than I was created some different dynamics and learning opportunities growing up than had the average child.

Among many lessons of my childhood, I learned that even though my siblings were "grown-ups" in my eyes, my dad still called them kids. They both had real jobs (for the most part), paid their own bills, one was married, both owned pets... the list of real world responsibilities goes on, but my dad always called them "The kids."

I don't remember if I asked him about this one day, or if he just offered the explanation for me... I was a curious child... I probably questioned him about calling his 25- and 28-year-olds kids. He told me that so much maturing occurs between the ages of 20 and 30, that he considers anyone a kid until he or she is 30.

At 26, I completely agree with him.

My question is, why can't the rest of the world understand the sheer brilliance to my dad's wisdom?

I am 26, not married, what feels like blindly maneuvering my way through my first job, and I am viewed as an adult. I am asked if I will stay in my job next year, and I'm supposed to know the answer. I meet men and I am supposed to know if they are worth enough of my attention to try to build a life together -- then if they are, we are both supposed to turn our lives up-side-down to combine the present adult-lives we both have into one, united life.

Does life ever start to feel... I don't want to say easy... but natural? Reliable? Dependable? Even as I type that, I know the answer. It is absolutely NO! The only constant in life is God and His love for His children.

I don't feel very well today. I have been coughing since Friday night and now my throat has that coated-feeling where I don't want to talk, because I know any change in the current, quiet state of my throat will cause irritation... and more coughing. After a busy Friday night and Saturday, I woke up this morning around 7am, went back to sleep around 8:30am and slept until 1:15pm. Even now, at 2:20pm, I feel like I could lay back down and stay that way for the rest of the afternoon...

But alas... the world (save my wise father) views me as an adult and I should be preparing for work tomorrow... or at least cleaning my house.

I know I am rambling at this point, but I am so tired of decisions. With the economy, teachers' jobs are on the chopping-block this year. Honestly, mine will not be... but I kind of wish it were. If my job were in jeopardy, I feel like I could just put things in God's hands -- keep an eye out for other options, knowing that if I don't have a job, that is of the Lord, and I will have other options. As it is, I will have a job... is it still okay to consider other options? In this economy? Should I stay in a job just because one-and-a-half years at a position doesn't look as good on a resume as two or three years?

Should I keep the same job just because I at least have a year-and-a-half under my belt, and if I change jobs, it will take yet ANOTHER year to feel like I have the hang of it? Where as this job, I at least have the hang of... I have some idea of how things are supposed to work...

I wish the world had my dad's wisdom. I am totally still a kid.

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1 comment:

  1. Girl, I'm still a kid too! Ever since college graduation I've asked myself, "Am I qualified to do this?" The answer is usually no, but then I look around, and no one else seems to be qualified either. Ha!

    I hope the Lord makes your path straight and clear as you struggle with the decisions you face.


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