Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Dreams and Spaghettios

Any country fans out there?

Remember the song by Martina McBride, This One's For the Girls. I don't know when this song premiered, but it was a favorite of mine my freshman year in college (2002-2003).

The song talks about "girls about 13 (when) high school can be so rough, can be so mean"; about "girls about 25 in little apartments just trying to get by"; and about "girls about 42 tossin' pennies into the fountain of youth".

Today - my third sick day at home... my last sick day at home as I am feeling better and trying to store enough energy to have a great day at work tomorrow - today I kept thinking of the line about the 25-year-old:

"This is for all those girls about 25 in little apartments just tryin' to get by livin' on, on dreams and spaghettios wonderin' where your life's gonna go..."

I'm not 25, I'm 26... and I used to imagine this season of my life when I would hear this song. I never imagined that the dreams would cease with each passing year.

Did I dream at 13? You bet. 16? Absolutely. 20? I think so. 22? Possibly. 25? A little. 26? No.

I'm a year into reality -- out of school and in the real world. I live with leases and taxes and the Census and taking care of myself when I am sick and making my own plans for the summer and keeping track of the oil changes and tire rotations for my car and the recession... and I live in reality. I don't dream.

My life is where I chose for it to go... where do I think its headed if not where I'm taking it? What good is dreaming if I'm not working toward what my dream is? And then, is it a dream or a goal?

Frankly, I think its sad... I don't want to be a 26-year-old who doesn't dream. To quote a line from a musical, "If you never have a dream, then you'll never have a dream come true."

But how do you make yourself dream? And how many years out do the dreams still count? I'm tired of living for dreams that are completely less-than-realistic... I've run out of hope that things might happen to end up my way -- I don't control the way things end up, so why do I think that because I dream something to happen a certain way, that it will?

My dreams have to do with the life I'm in... like maybe I will go to school tomorrow and everything will go the way its supposed to... Maybe I will get through the days from now until Spring break with everything organized... Maybe I will make a decision regarding my career path... haha - career path, that's a funny phrase for me to type - my dream is to not have a career let alone a career path... As I was typing this paragraph, I got a call from one of my teaching assistants... evidently someone exploded with profanities in the preschool today (not in front of children, but I will have to deal with this nonetheless)... I guess my "dream" that I might go to school tomorrow and everything will go the way its supposed to is less likely than ever.

So... maybe I can come up with another dream... another dream... another dream... ... I don't have another dream. I like spaghettios... but at 26, I don't have dreams. My teaching assistant who called just killed the only one there was.

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  1. Dreams don't have to be so outlandish as to differ from a goal, but they should be more exciting than a goal. Just remember that there is nothing more exciting than a dream come true, and like Martina McBride said, "everybody knows that the sweetest thing you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl."

    Your smile reveals your happiness, so some dream must be coming true...

  2. I think you just achieved the most difficult part! You've identified that you are dreamless. For me recognizing what's wrong can be the hardest part. Now that you can move forward and dream big!

    I hear what you're saying. Along with aging comes failure and compromise, and that's no fun. But at the same time, out of death comes new life.

    But your last paragraph is getting to me...what a cliff hanger. Your assistant killed your last dream?? What was that??

  3. The dream that maybe everything will go well at school tomorrow (or today)... when she called and said someone come into the preschool shouting profanities... just a hunch but everything will probably not go well at school tomorrow. That was the last dream.


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