The Look and Feel

A few weeks ago, I handed Addallee to my friend who watches her on the days I go to work, and I took a second to just look at her in my friend's arms and I realized how adorable she is and how big she is getting.  I didn't want to go to work because I just wanted to look at my baby girl.

As I thought about my feelings as I was working that day, I realized that while I hold Lee Lee throughout the day, and cuddle her and nurse her and burp her... I don't always take the time to just look at her.  I glance at her to make sure her siblings are not doing something they shouldn't be doing, I look at her to make sure she's still sleeping peacefully... but I don't take the time to just look at her the way I did with Tracey when she was my only baby.

That day, I realized that I need to make a point to really look at my precious baby girl and make a point each day to take pictures of her, make funny faces with her, laugh with her, and to really cherish every aspect of this baby girl's life.

As I was thinking about this, I realized that while I wasn't looking at Addallee the way I want to... I wasn't treasuring the feel of my older kids the way I want to.

While I hold Addallee all day, I hold each of the twins on and off throughout the day... and I hold Tracey significantly less.  As time passes, I will hold, carry, and hug my children less and less and I want to cherish these days when they want to be hugged and held so much.

Since this day a few weeks ago, I have made a point to really look at my Lee Lee every day... and really treasure how it feels to hug and hold each of my older kids.

Caroline really likes to be held still, and gives the best hugs by squeezing me around the neck.  She is such a big girl, but she is also such a little girl, and I want to remember how much she loved to be held.

Howard likes to be held, but really likes to squirm and wrestle.  He wants to be held when he's crying, but then is very quick to want down to run off for his next adventure.  He loves to be held when it involves tickling or flipping him upside down or his hanging over my shoulder.

Tracey still loves to be held and carried, but as our oldest and a 4-year-old, it happens less during the day.  That being said, I really am trying to cherish these days with her and when she asks to be held or carried, to really try to make it happen.  These days will be gone before I know it and she will be too big and too tall for me to hold her the way I can now.

These days are crazy, there is no doubt.  But, I am also realize how precious these days are, and when I look back and tell my life story, there is a very real chance that these will be recounted as the best, most joyful days of my life.  I desperately want to remember the look and feel of my children as much as I possibly can.  I want to put time in a bottle, and ten and twenty and fifty years from now, open the bottle and look at my smiling baby Addallee, and hug my twin toddlers and sweet four-year-old.  But I can't do that.  I can just make sure that I'm treasuring the look and feel of my kids every single day.